


Words are Knives and Often Leave Scars

by RedheadRedemption



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Gotta tag that because oof I seemed to write a lot of it, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I regret nothing except for making MC/Reader suffer, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lesson 16 (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) Spoilers, Manipulation, Minor Violence, Not Beta Read, Occasional Fluff perhaps, Possible Trauma, Spoilers, Timeline Angst, and my friend outside of the fandom who read this called it that XD, more like Self-Indulgent Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24483610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedheadRedemption/pseuds/RedheadRedemption
Summary: These are the thoughts inside the mind of an MC, who experienced the events of lessons 15 through 18 of the game. And how they deserve to vent out their various feelings because the game didn’t let them react to it at all.(SPOILERS FOR THOSE CHAPTERS!)
Relationships: Beelzebub & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 222





	1. The Situation and Grief

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to vent about my personal feelings of what happened in Lessons 15 through 16 (and a bit of 17). 
> 
> Mostly, because I am a sad person who is full of feels over that plot-line. Like, first of all, poor MC shouldn’t be considered some sort of Lilith replacement by the boys. Especially not after dying/seeing themselves get killed by Belphie.

If life was a game of poker, then it had dealt you the worst hand possible.

Bottling feelings up wasn’t the healthiest thing for a person to do. But it so happened that’s what you’d been doing for the last few days. You were absolutely and utterly done with everything, only wanting to be left alone. So, it was no wonder when you finally cracked and elected to isolate yourself in your room, hiding away from those seven demon brothers that you were currently residing with. It was just that… You needed the time for yourself. And obviously, that couldn’t be done if seven devils were breathing down your neck constantly.

Well, not literally, but…

You had finally reached your breaking point.

Bitterness outweighed everything else now, and it felt like there was a bad taste in your mouth that would not go away no matter how much you tried. Yes, exhaustion, frustration, and anger weighed over your shoulders. Just like the heaviness of the world did on Atlas. And the root of it? The sudden overwhelming displays of affection given to you by the Avatars of the Seven Deadly Sins. Especially from the ones you knew barely expressed themselves often, or if at all. The thought of everything that happened made you want to scream.

You rolled over to your side and hugged your purple pillow close to your body, curling up and staring blankly ahead at the vine-covered stone walls of “your” room.

The feeling of your heart clenching tightly in your chest as a pit formed in your stomach. One which rendered you ill to the core. You had never felt something quite like this before, and you hated that it stemmed from a specific deceased angel who you coincidentally descended from. Yes, you’d been alright with mentions of _her_ from the brothers. And you might have also been okay with hearing her voice call out to you on rare and startling occasions.

But, as of right this moment, you only wished to pretend that she didn’t exist.

At least until the damn ache in your chest ebbed away.

* * *

When you’d first arrived here, the circumstances of your situation had been the craziest scenario you’d ever heard of, and it had been bizarre.

The idea of having to adjust from being randomly ripped away from your normal everyday life to living in a household full of powerful demons. Ones who were rulers of Hell, er… the Devildom, in their own right. It was the kind of a leap that sounded like it was straight out of a cliché movie.

Still, it was fine, for the most part. Because, throughout your time in the House of Lamentation, you’d gotten to know each of your demonic housemates. As well as the vices they represented. Despite the ups and downs thrown your direction, these guys were not the worst company to have around. A bit weird, though. Being a squishy human who was surrounded by lots of potentially dangerous demons who desired your soul.

And, _no_ , Solomon did not count.

Regardless of his status as the other exchange student for the Human Realm. He was a fairly strong sorcerer and had 72 demon pacts at his disposal for goodness sakes! No _regular_ human had such extensive knowledge on magic like he somehow possessed. Yet, while a strange human in comparison to yourself. He was still a nice enough friend to have in an unfamiliar world such as this. He was the only one there who understood your home-related problems or occasional homesickness, after all.

That aside, it was ironic that _you_ were the one considered the strange human.

The one who glared at any suspicious-looking demons that eyeballed you for too long. The one who walked casually and fearlessly through the halls of RAD and the streets of the Devildom.

(Okay, fine. So, perhaps you were a bit of a trouble magnet.)

You’d gained extra prominence when you began forming pacts with some of the demon brothers.

Honestly, the struggle that you went through for some of those pacts was immeasurable, yet it was also fun. Criminally so, in fact. Back at home, you would have never in a million years do the things you had done. Mostly, because it was thought to be impossible. It was a blast and one hell of an experience. Ha…

From blackmailing Greed with not returning his credit card. To getting almost yeeted out of existence by Envy for knowing more about his favorite show than him. Learning about the mysterious seventh brother from Gluttony and promising to assist in mending the relationship between the missing Sloth and the Avatar of Pride. Trying to get a picture of Pride asleep for Lust, only to end up almost being eaten by a giant snake if it were not for Solomon lending you some of his magic. To eventually watching Wrath and Pride switch bodies like it was Freaky Friday and repairing their strained relationship to something healthier.

Those trials had you discovering so much intricate details about the brothers. And the best part was that it was a mutual effort. They had all begun trying to learn stuff about you, too, which you thought was incredibly sweet. Everything had still been okay till that point. Then… it suddenly wasn’t.

Perhaps it was because you had been curious about the mysterious attic that Lucifer forbade you from exploring. And maybe, it was him scolding you that spurred you on. Because his threats honestly had not stopped your efforts to go up those stairs.

Hence how you came upon someone locked in a room up there. A male with darkish purple-colored hair with hints of silver starting at the ends. One who looked shocked to see you yet, at the same time, did not seem all that surprised. The person had explained to you how he was also human, trapped in there by Lucifer. A concept which you deduced was a bold-faced lie from the sly smile. And the flashes of amusement in his expression.

But… the flickers of melancholy in his violet and magenta mixed-colored orbs caused you to offer your assistance.

* * *

You chuckled at the thought of that memory.

“I always was a softy for helping others before myself, huh...?” Hearing your own statement aloud caused you to frown as you released a deep exhale. “That’s probably why…”

* * *

It was looking through pictures with a newly pacted and befriended Beelzebub that you found out the trapped individual represented the sin of Sloth. The barely mentioned brother, Belphegor.

You should have been shocked, but you really weren’t surprised in the slightest about being lied to by two particular demons (Lucifer and Belphie). However, at that moment, you did wonder how the hell you managed to get yourself into a whole slew of familial problems. Like oh boy, did these brothers have a lot of issues with one another to unpack.

But… You cared for them a lot already, so you dived straight into the mess. It pretty much motivated you to work harder to find out more about the demon brothers that you were already very fond of.

_There had to be a conversation to fix things between the two_. You thought, concerned about both Lucifer and Belphegor.

The sleepy demon had grown on you during your stealth missions to the attic to chat and get to know him better. Sure, it was a challenge since he had been cold at first. But, eventually, he softened towards you, seeing your persistence. Your mind was made up as you genuinely wanted to help him. While you weren’t exactly comfortable with using the pacts for some ulterior motive – seeing them more as a sign of trust and mutual respect. There…

There was no other choice, it seemed.

Especially if Lucifer had been lying to the other brothers with that whole, “Belphegor is currently away as an exchange student in the Human Realm.”

* * *

At the time, you honestly had no clue things would escalate.

_But they did._

* * *

Your life had been, once again, saved from being almost killed by one of the brothers.

Lucifer had been furious when you admitted in a quiet tone that you had met with Belphegor. In hindsight, you did not want to admit that when the two of you were having a moment. But you sort of felt compelled to since you were tired of hiding the fact. Go big or go home, right? Or, in this case, just die, you guessed.

Memes aside, you did not die or get hurt.

Instead, Belphie, in one way or another, escaped from the attic.

The seventh most powerful demon had interrupted Lucifer’s deadly rage-filled attack aimed towards you. And you could only breathe a deep sigh of relief as the attention went towards him. Although you were shocked, not just you but the other six devils in the room, too. It did not help when Belphegor had thanked you for freeing him, serving to confuse you even more. After a quick stutter about how you had done nothing to actually release the purple-haired male yet, secrets were exposed. And then, Beel was carrying both you and his twin out of there.

On your search for a place to stay, you had all bumped into Simeon, and he invited you all to stay with him, Luke, and Solomon at Purgatory Hall. It had been relatively okay as you explained to them the events that transpired.

Yeah, you spoke too soon.

Because Diavolo and Barbatos made a surprise appearance… and took Belphie away.

It turned out that Belphie was hidden away in the attic from the demon prince. For apparent treason and for plotting to go against Diavolo’s wishes of the RAD Exchange Program. Apparently, Belphie had wanted nothing to do with humans after what happened to his sister and hated the idea of being alongside their kind.

(You actually felt a bit hurt by the truth. Even though you knew that Belphegor had been manipulating you at the very beginning. But you knew he’d changed, though. So, it didn’t sting as bad.)

Anyway, that was the whole reason why Lucifer had ended up trapping him in the attic. In black-haired demon’s words later on... It was to shelter Belphegor from assured punishment or death from the Future King of the Devildom. He had been hiding his brother from Diavolo despite being sworn to follow his orders. Needless to say, you and Beel had a new mission now.

It was time to apologize (in your case) and hear the truth from a certain Morningstar.

You made sure to explain your side of the story and that you’d meant no harm or offense. Some brothers accepted your words rather quickly (Asmo and Satan), while others took a bit more work (Levi and Mammon). After apologizing to them for hiding what you knew about Belphie and reassuring them that your pacts weren’t for him, you all tried to figure out how to speak with an under house-arrest Lucifer.

…It was a _long_ story.

The point was that you all rallied up afterward and rushed towards the Demon Lord’s castle to go save Belphie from his new prison. Your arrival did not come as a surprise for the demon prince, though. Instead, Diavolo looked like he had been expecting it. And Barbatos had a similar knowing expression painted on his face at the sight of you and the group of brothers together. Once Lucifer told the two about why you all were there, the royal demon butler looked intrigued. If the gleam in his eyes was anything to go by.

Actually…

There was much discussion between the two and the brothers as you watched silently.

Until finally, Barbatos said, “Hmm… but it would appear that one among your number neither qualifies as a relative nor demon.” And _that_ had stung, even if it was true.

But before you could formulate a retort, someone spoke up in your defense.

“That’s right. MC isn’t a demon, nor are we related…” Beel’s soft yet determined tenor rang out, a slight frown on his face. “…but that doesn’t mean we can’t be on the same side. Isn’t that right, MC?” That last part was said with a smile aimed towards you.

“…!!” You were touched.

Levi had mentioned back in the House of Lamentation that you were like family, too. But you hadn’t expected any of them to say it while around others. And well, hearing it from the most family-oriented demon of the brothers seemed to make it official, in a sense. Beel actually was so mattered-of-fact about it that it filled you with warmth – a hope blooming deep within. You’d felt a similar way since you had gotten to know most of them, and it was reassuring to hear that it was reciprocated. No one argued or contradicted his claim, either. In fact, it was left out there in the air as a solid fact. Some of them nodded in agreement.

It made your spirit brighten in happiness. A hint of red creeping onto your cheeks by the tell-tale sign of heat spreading across your face, and a surprised but pleased smile that your lips might have slightly curled up into.

“You bet it is! You’re absolutely right, Beel. If you mess with them, then that means that you’re messing with me.” You replied with a firm bow of your head.

* * *

But _now_?

You only felt angry and miserable as you tried to curl up into a tiny ball. You disregarded the constant dinging of notifications from your D.D.D as the absolute need to destroy everything in your room battled with the half that just wanted to cry.

You were weak, though, and risked a peek.

Unlocking the device and pressing the Chat button sluggishly, you refused to allow your eyes to linger on your wallpaper. One of you and the original six brothers you had gotten to know along with Lord Diavolo and Barbatos. It was a lovely photograph of all of you in the student council room. And it was taken by one of the members of the RAD Newspaper Club. The picture was taken after a series of interviews with each of the student council members.

You had asked for a digital copy of the photo. And Diavolo was kind enough to get it for you since Lucifer had not wanted to.

(Beat that, Luci!)

Snapping out of your memories, you stopped staring at the picture with a muted sigh. Once on the list of your text messages, while not opening a single one, you saw multiple ones from each individual brother. While some were from group chats that you were in.

You frowned.

Your eyes immediately darted for a particular name. Scanning until you reach the last text that this Mammon sent you. Chosen specifically since you knew that he must have felt horrible as well.

You wanted to talk to him. You really _did._

But your mind – and subsequently, your body – did not let you.

Every time you tried to work up the strength to message Mammon or talk to him in the halls around the house, you’d shut down. And then suddenly, all you could see was his features twisted up in anguish. As he gently cradled another version of you in his arms. You did not want to remember those pained yells of his. Or the desperate shouts of when he saw your past self, injured, and their life slowly fading away in his grip…

The white-haired demon mentioned how he wanted to know if you were okay in his text before the ellipses hid the rest of his message.

With a silent apology to your dear guardian in the Devildom, you locked your D.D.D once more and muted the device, placing it face down near the side of where your head rested. You slowly began to lose yourself in your thoughts once more, thinking about how you’d arrived in this similar yet odd version of what used to be a “home.”

* * *

Yes, you had agreed to Diavolo’s terms.

Sure, it would be terrifying. Heading back in time by yourself with no demon guardian to assist you. But it would be fine, right? You just needed to find out who let out Belphie and come back. It was supposed to be a quick stealth and avoid-detection mission, and all you had to do was be as sneaky as Solid Snake.

But as you continued to overthink it, you felt more anxious. This wasn’t like a video game where you could afford fooling around, then restart the level. This was real life, and you _could not_ mess things up. So, before you had left for your special task, Barbatos made sure to inform you. Do not mess or interact with anything in the timeline. No talking of any kind to the past versions of the brothers. Or, even worse, getting noticed by the other you.

At the time, you tried not to roll your eyes.

As if that cliché spiel was not known to you already. You had seen enough time travel shows, read books, and knew enough to understand that tidbit. But you still listened carefully because there was no way you wanted to risk failing. After all, Belphie and the others were counting on your success and safe return with this information. Yet… it seemed like fate was plotting against you. Because, no matter how hard you tried, you somehow ended up in this predicament.

Of all the doors that Barbatos could’ve had you open. It had to be _Mammon’s_ room.

The one place where the brothers, apparently, had been hidden the whole time. How clever of them to hide in there while you and Lucifer tried searching for them. Of course, you knew _now_ that it hadn’t been another of Levi’s video game scenarios. But _fuck_ if you weren’t terrified when a bunch of shocked eyes landed on your still figure in the doorway.

You being _you_ , froze.

The whole thing had forced you to speak to the past versions of the brothers, immediately messing up rule one. Acting as though you had simply spotted Satan and followed him back there. Once you had finished your little white lie, they seemed to fall for it. Then proceeded to kick you out so you could run back to Lucifer to “bond” with him.

(You love these idiots, you really do. But _now_ was not the time.)

This action, actually, nearly got you caught by past Lucifer and yourself.

Thankfully, you remembered the way into… Lilith’s room. And so, you managed to escape being seen by the pair. It was bizarre, though. Because, for some odd reason, you felt nauseous, and there was something off about the room this time. It looked like it was actually being used, and no sheets were covering the furniture. Your thoughts were proven when the door of the bedroom opened suddenly, making you jump.

And then, walking inside was… a wild Leviathan?

Based on the male’s manner of speaking and his unusually relaxed posture and changed attire. It was not the one that you currently knew. So, you blinked, watching as the other left the room, and chucked him up as a memory of Lilith’s past being revealed to you.

You soon left to see past Belphegor as that version of Leviathan suggested, and…

* * *

You placed a shaky hand lightly on your throat and rubbed it softly as you winced, feeling a phantom touch.

* * *

You had been confused and distressed, still not knowing for sure.

But…

Had the youngest brother of the seven devils truly strangled you to death in this past timeline? And then… had you been brought back to life by Lilith somehow…? It was all so baffling, maddening, and horrifying to think about all at once. Your memories of the whole affair were hazy at best. Yet, that feeling of being deprived of precious oxygen. The memory of your sight fading and of dark spots beginning to cloud your blurring vision. Witnessing the way that this fake version of Belphegor had grinned almost ferally as he squeezed the air out of you with such dark delight.

You had put your _faith_ in him.

You had _trusted_ him.

You thought that this other Belphegor would be similar to the Belphie, who was kind and hadn’t hurt you. That one in your timeline seemed bitter, yes, but harmless. You both would talk as much as you possibly could before any of the other brothers returned home or would notice your absence. So, did that mean… Did that one from your own timeline hate you just as much, then? It didn’t seem like it. Because the worst thing he’d done was swipe Simeon’s sandwich with a childlike glee that rivaled Beel’s own….

You’d decided to push the mess of thoughts away.

All you knew was that _this_ Belphegor had gone and attacked you when you were open and exposed and _vulnerable_. You had gone to give him a hug when he opened his arms, even though you knew you shouldn’t have. Sure, it was an odd request, but you had decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Only for him to…

The event was too raw and fresh. It kept haunting you, serving to keep you on your toes, tense in the presence of the Avatar of Sloth. You refused and could not even be alone in the same room as the purple-haired demon.

After all, why the hell would you want to be alone with _him_?

* * *

You scoffed quietly to yourself.

As you did so, you pat the head of Little D. No 2, one of the tiny demons who assisted you with your RAD tasks. You said head, but it was more like you patted the hat it was wearing. The small yellow and grey-eyed creature of Greed with twisted golden horns was seated next to you. After just sneaking in through your window. It even closed and locked it behind them. Very thoughtful of them to go through that effort for you.

_Huh…_

Now that you thought about it, the little one did not even seem to mind working around your new routine.

“Are you really okay with this?” You asked them softly. “I think Mammon would be angry to find out that you’re here with me and not him. Well, any of them would be, considering you little guys are the only ones allowed in and out of my room now.”

The tiny demon hummed, blinking its unique-colored eyes. “Sometimes I want your solo company, too, ya know. I may be a helper of Mammon’s, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen to him.” It quipped, making your lips twitch a bit upward.

_Mammon gets the short end of the stick, even with the Little D.’s, too, huh?_ _That’s unfortunate, I should probably talk more to this little guy about respect._

“You’re amazing, you know that? Thank you,” you ended up saying.

“Heh… I know how great I am. But one thing, though! You’re special. So, make me a name or something, human. I’ll go crazy if I get called something generic like Little D. No 2 one more time.” At least, it was evident that the little Greed demon had the same personality as his master.

A chuckle managed to escape from your lips.

“Ha… Alright, you got it. I’ll start calling you it as soon as I think of one.” You replied, drifting back into your thoughts as you enjoyed the tiny demon’s pleasant companionship.

* * *

Even when you were conscious again, you never did find out how the door to Belphegor’s prison unlocked.

It had been an ordinary wall, then you touched the surface of it, and the door appeared and simply _opened_. So… had it been you who’d done it? If that were the case, then it made no sense! How had it opened without you forming that last pact with Lucifer in your timeline then? There was no conclusive answer, and you could not linger on it, either. Hell, you weren’t fortunate enough to have proper time to panic about being just strangled. Or process everything that had been spoken during Lilith’s brief conversation with you.

Loud commotion and yelling erupted from downstairs, sounding like it came from the foyer.

And so, you quickly ran to investigate what was going on, like a moth drawn to a flame. You stood at the top of the stairs, unseen by the others at the time, watching as events unfolded. The horrible scene of Mammon cradling you as if trying to keep the soul of that version of you from exiting their body. Your corpse was pale and lifeless, almost appearing like a broken life-sized toy with a dark bruised marking around their neck. You vaguely wondered if you had one like that too, but then shook your head at the thought.

Of course, you didn’t. You had examined yourself quickly in fear after the traumatic event and saw how you were miraculously uninjured.

“No, no, no… Oi! MC!”

Mammon’s voice broke you out of your thought. And, for a moment, he spoke softly. You could not hear or make out anything he’d said to the person in his arms. Shortly after, though, he began his shouting again.

“Damn it! Hang in there, MC! Please… Don’t you die…!”

The Avatar of Greed continued to plead, voice trembling in concern and anxiety, in the hope of your past counterpart opening their eyes. All the while, Lucifer glared at their youngest brother. The other brothers were still either gawking or shouting in outrage at said demon’s sudden appearance and deed.

Yet…

Your eyes and ears focused on past Belphegor’s face and his gloating laughter. You trembled slightly because his laughter sounded so _innocent_ , totally unlike the severe offense that he had committed. He merely stared down at the past you with a fusion of undisguised loathing and disgust. Accomplishment in his tone as he smugly told Lucifer that Diavolo’s exchange program was now ruined and his reputation soon to be in tatters.

Everything else after that was a blur.

You were spotted by the past Leviathan, and your past version immediately disappeared from sight, fading away like a phantom. Your mind telling you that it happened because you had, somehow, replaced them in this timeline. And all you could think was that it felt like some cruel joke. Because how could you become them when you had your own demon boys who were still waiting for your return? Could… Could you even leave the same way you came like Barbatos had told you how? What now?

You had to rapidly blurt out the truth of Lilith’s fate to save your own skin. The one that your Lucifer in the other timeline told you. You had to do it. There was no other choice because, if you didn’t, then this Belphegor would kill you.

(A small voice in the back of your head made sure to remind you that it would be _again_ since you’d already died to his hands.)

As expected, it was a shocking revelation for everyone. Lucifer was stunned that you knew, and the other brothers were shocked about hearing the news for the first time. And honestly, it was not fully believed that you were telling the truth until the Diavolo and Barbatos of this timeline made their appearance and confirmed your words. And it caused the brothers to stare back and forth between you and Diavolo in disbelief.

After his explanation, the demon prince revealed to the seven brothers, “MC here is the descendant of the human Lilith.”

In your moment of weakness and uncertainty, you’d agreed that you had figured that was the case. You also admitted to remembering some memories that their youngest sister, indeed, experienced. One that Lucifer attested to, which further proved you were telling the truth.

And at that moment…

The way each of the seven Avatars of Sin gazed at you was changed. And you knew why as a sharp and tightening pain began to form in your chest.

* * *

You wiped the water that escaped from your eyes as you leaned forward, now sitting up on your bed. You huffed; the air that you blew out from your mouth causing whatever hairs were near your face to flutter upward, then fall back into place. 

You were not you anymore. Not to these versions of the demon brothers. And why was that?

Because, now, you were _Lilith_.

“I’m me, and no one else, damn it. I’m just a regular old human.” You said, bitterly to yourself as the Little D., which you now dubbed Oro, sent you a sympathetic look. “The one who was brought here as one of the two human exchange students… I’m not Lilith!”

You refused to be a _replacement_ for their younger sister.

Yes, they could mourn and love her because it was in their right, as people who lost someone should. But why did they have to project their feelings of her onto _you_? Lilith – a person who you didn’t even know how she looked. Or much less, how she acted like. Aside from the glimpses that you’d gotten of her. The thought made you want to grit your teeth and scream at the top of your lungs because it only repeated and enforced that these were not _your_ demon boys you’d gotten to know. And you were not _their_ human, either.

They weren’t the ones who were stuck, still waiting for your return. And each minute that you stayed in this new timeline…

You bit your bottom lip in frustration, then sighed, recalling the slip-ups of these versions of the seven brothers. How they acted so much softer towards you. How they wanted to spend more time with you. Or… how, instead of your name, they’d start to say _hers_ then correct themselves with an apology. You could have given their affection and concern off to you almost dying, but the name slips were obvious.

_Ha_.

As if apologizing could fix what you had gone through in making that discovery. It felt like… like a bandage being slapped onto a stab wound. These boys were all acting differently towards you, and you knew it and saw it.

And it _hurt_ so much.

* * *

You saw how different they all were, and it made you ache for normality and _home_.

Leviathan was surprisingly one of the brothers who would make the most name errors. Casual Freudian slips of the tongue. It usually happened when he was not paying attention. Too hyper-focused on his games, as he called out to… Not you, anyway. You’d tried to bring it up, but he would correct himself the next time. And so, you’d _begrudgingly_ let it slide. Other than that, being the “touchy-touchy, no no” person that he is, the demon was more comfortable with you. Something that would have filled you with joy if you didn’t know the truth behind it. The times when he would invite you to binge-watch anime shows together, he’d actually _cuddle_ you. You practically freaked out the first time, and he had stared at you with hurt and confused eyes. Why was _he_ the one looking at you like that?

(Was it cruel of you to actively avoid him? No, it was not. Because it honestly could have been worse. You made efforts to not pass by his bedroom door as much as you could now. Cursing that most of the places you wanted to go to were upstairs, and his room was smack dab in the middle of the hall. You would also ignore his invites to raids on the many gaming apps that he had you friended on. He was not _Levi_.)

Next up was Beelzebub, which was not too huge of a surprise, but it still did its amount of damage. He would also slip up with your name. Flinching when he realized what he has done, but not voicing out that he’d made a mistake. That was one aspect shared amongst some of the brothers. Aside from that, everyone knew how he was always particular and, obviously, gluttonous about his snacks and meals. Even when he wanted to share, Beelzebub had his troubles. But _now_ , the demon would easily slide food onto your plate or give you a piece. That wasn’t the worst part, though. Sometimes, you’d catch him staring at you from your peripheral vision, and you’d see guilt in his eyes. It would disappear as soon as you’d turn to look at him. And it made you recall how he expressed remorse about having to choose between saving Belphegor and Lilith. Saving his twin instead. So… did this Beelzebub truly see you? Or was he, somehow, seeing his little sister through you?

(You loved spending time with the gentle giant. But his actions made you hesitant and distant. Coupled that with the fact that he was always around Belphegor now… It simply was not going to work out. You only went to the kitchen when you knew it’d be empty and when he wasn’t in there for his usual fridge raids. Speaking of which, you stopped guard duty for those too, not caring if he ended up eating the only edible food you could have. He was not _Beel_.)

Asmodeus followed closely after, though his change was not _too_ visible. Aside from the occasional name slips. A thing that made your lips curl into a bitter frown every time you heard the woman’s name instead of your own. Seriously, it was not that hard to tell that the two of you were different people. But oh well, _right_? Anyway, if you weren’t as observant as you were, it would’ve been like things between the two of you had not changed. This version of the caramel-haired demon would still gift you with skincare products and tag you on posts he found on Devilgram regularly. But then, when you both would go out to stores, he’d show you outfits that were _definitely_ not your style or taste, and his eyes would fill with sadness before quickly fading. That would be when he’d put the other stuff back and grab the style of clothes that you actually liked. Similar to Beelzebub, his eyes held an apology, but he would never outright say it. Was it really that hard to say that one word?

(You cared for Asmodeus dearly and knew that he had a hard time expressing his true feelings behind that mask of his. But you were tired of pretending to be okay, too. If he asked you to go shopping or to go out clubbing with him, you refused with strained politeness. You also avoided passing by his room because you did not want him to drag you inside for one of his spa days with you. He was not _Asmo_.)

You were not sure what to say about the next person. Perhaps it was because they were one of the ones that were the most… _off_. Lucifer’s change was subtle enough that his brothers would not be able to notice it. But, noticeable enough that you could. You felt a simmering anger form within you, seeing how this Lucifer would smile a tiny bit more naturally around you. None of his thin and sharp frowns in view. He didn’t do it _too_ often, though. Because he had his sadistic and strict reputation to maintain. But still, the smiles that he would send you… They would be oh so very fond and soft. But you had not earned that gentle curve of his lips from your own effort here. _Now, did you_? It stung further when you remembered that Lucifer gave _her_ that smile when he made his promise to _her_. You felt your patience snapping and crumbling by the day, the hour, the minute, and the _seconds_.

(With your Lucifer, you had loved annoying him. Or helping him out when he was looking overworked – which seemed to be all the time. You had no problems communicating with him about what was on your mind. But this one… just _no_. You were conscious of the fact that what you were doing was borderline suicidal behavior. One does not simply ignore his texts. But you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. Anything you needed to tell or deliver to him; you’d inform or give to one of the Little Ds.)

Then, for a bit, you had been at peace. Why? Because there was someone who actually understood you and was willing to support you in this difficult time. This might not have been your Satan, but he was still similar to the other one. You had to admit that Satan, out of all the brothers, had to understand your situation. Considering that he came from Lucifer’s wrath during the Great Celestial War, he knew what it was like to not be seen as his own person. And he did, thankfully. But it was not the same… The two of you would have conversations, and there would blips where he would say something the other MC did, thinking that you had done it. And you… could not relate. It made you feel horrible because you were using this Satan as a replacement for the other. How utterly hypocritical of you, _right_? You distanced yourself again. And slowly felt the thread that was keeping you together become more brittle and frayed, barely holding on.

(How could it have slipped your mind? Were you already forgetting about your demon boys who were still anticipating your arrival back? You were _that_ heartless? Needless to say, you began to avoid this Satan. You felt terrible because he was the most understanding of your plight. But you couldn’t do this. It felt _wrong_. And it hurt way too much. And you were growing so angry because of the others that you needed some space.)

Ironically enough.

It was Belphegor who did not slip up once with the names or treatment. Though that was probably because you never gave him the chance to be around you. Just why was he so unnaturally clingy and affectionate when he had tried to kill you before? When he had _succeeded_ in killing you. You felt like you were going insane. Why? Why? _Why_?! He was gentle, considering what had happened. It made no sense. And all you wanted to know was _WHY_!? Did the demon not realize trauma was not something that could be cured so easily? Of course not, what the hell did demons know about human fears and mortality? You kept interactions with him at a minimum. This Belphegor made you feel conflicted because... Was yours the same way as this one, then? You hated feeling helpless. You also hated how there would be occasions where he’d send you looks that you didn’t know if they were filled with pity or wistfulness half the time. But _w_ _hy?!_

(You enjoyed being around Belphie because you both had spoken about many things. Even if the two of you did not really get to interact much before things went to shit. But this Belphegor… This one opened your eyes, and you hated it. He was the brother that you barely knew anything about. And, well, that experience with him did not win him any favors. This version made you especially cautious and paranoid. However, you still wanted to save the original version of him if that timeline even existed. Because, at least, _that_ Belphie seemed like a nice guy.)

And now, finally…

This Mammon.

This version of the silver-haired demon was similar to the other one, barely any differences. And Mammon might have been a moron sometimes, but he was still your lovable moron. That being said, the Avatar of Greed also happened to be your first pact, friend, and guardian in the Devildom. Your “first guy” in his words. And there were obvious hints that he was acting weird. Like how he was unusually extra clingy now. And how his golden-blue eyes were always filled with sadness and a deep anxiousness. And you, of course, knew why that was, but why would you want to remember it? Not when you had enough nightmares doing that for you.

But still…

Maybe, it was because he was the first one who grew to like you despite being a human. The one who never tried to hurt you… Perhaps, that’s why it was okay, at first. With the others, things felt different. But Mammon’s presence was still as comforting as before to you. So, that could be why you continued to hang out with him and not the others. But then, you would genuinely look at him, and…

The fear in his eyes, the fear of _losing you_.

The spell was broken, and the thread had snapped as you noticed that you were doing it again. You were replacing the original brothers. And you didn’t want that! Why should you care for these imposters when they were treating you differently?! But then, you would also look at their faces and see _them_. And all of this was slowly driving you insane.

Lord Diavolo only told truths. But did that apply to Barbatos with how he'd said that the other timeline was no more?

You hated being so conflicted, but you did what you thought was right.

And you finally pushed Mammon away, too.

(Mammon was one of the brothers that you were the closest to. How could you not be? You two were practically inseparable. For your Mammon, you tended not to lock your door since he would often burst in to spontaneously visit you and crash on your bed. But _this_ was not _him_. And so, you would lock it now. No more of those nights of cuddling while watching movies. No more study sessions, no money-making schemes, or even hangouts because you felt like everything seemed so, so _wrong_.)

* * *

Back in the present, Oro, the Little D. of Greed, spoke up. “Ya know, locking yourself in your room isn’t the answer…”

You agreed with them, but… “Oro…”

A sharp-toothed grin at their new name, its eyes shining curiously.

“While true, it’s helpful for me. At least, to keep them away while I think some stuff over.” You said as the tiny demon tilted their head, well, body, slightly to the side. The display was rather charming, and you kind of wished to hug them. However, you resisted the urge.

“Why?”

You smiled sadly at the little one, a hint of nervousness entering your voice. “Because as much as I hate this situation, all I see is the original demon brothers. And so, I can’t bring myself to yell at most of them.” Minus Belphegor – who if he tried to approach you without warning… Well, you wouldn’t hesitate to punch him. “Besides, I don’t know if I’m even ready to talk with any of them…”

“Hmm...” Oro gave you what was meant to be a comforting hug, but you didn’t feel it, distracted.

Your mind wandered off, eyes becoming dull. “‘ _When you wish to return to this world, all you have to do is knock on the door you used to get to the past and then proceed through it_ ,’ huh?” You whispered quietly to yourself the words that your Barbatos had last told you.

Could…

Could it really be that easy, though?


	2. Isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which grief has many different stages, and we're only at the start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! (^_^U) 
> 
> So, from a one-shot to a multi-chaptered fic. This has become more of an experimentation type of work, so I can test stuff out. But I hope it'll turn out okay and not be too repetitive with things... XD

**Mammon**

Hey, MC!

I have this grand scheme that’ll make some mad cheddar, so I need my partner-in-crime to help me out.

This plan is foolproof!

So, don’t go tellin’ Lucifer, ya hear?!

* * *

Mammon had a toothy grin as he waited for a response from the human.

However, a few seconds turned into minutes and a few minutes into a few hours. Until a lot of time had passed, and there was still nothing.

_Huh…?_

For some odd reason, Mammon’s human was not replying as fast as they usually did. And it only made the demon’s entire system flood with an overwhelming amount of concern as images of your battered and weak body flashed through his mind.

The mere thought of Belphegor getting out of hand again while he was away from you, and the chance of you suffering for it…

It made his blood run cold, and his breathing quickened so bad that he had to stop and focus on just breathing. Once it was over, he gradually managed to compose himself.

_This ain’t good._ Mammon groaned to himself. _Calm down, they’re fine…_

The demon’s thoughts were about you as questions of what you were up to formed. The main one was definitely why you were not responding to Mammon at all. With a frown, he walked off in a huff, annoyed. He would search all around the mansion till he caught a glimpse of you.

Literally, what the hell was going on with his human? And since when you were so hard to locate? It took a while. But, before the Avatar of Greed knew it, he had found you. And so, he immediately ducked behind a wall, so you would not see him.

Mammon stared, watching as you held some food in your hands and walked out of the kitchen. You then entered your room as quietly as a mouse. He frowned as the door made, not a single sound, except for the noise of the lock clicking shut.

A sense of relief was the first thing that Mammon felt as he saw that you were alright.

But what the hell, then?

You never had ignored his messages before. You weren’t like his brothers, who would simply ignore him sometimes or insulted him like he was the worst scum they had ever seen. Sure, he was scummy in some regards, but he was not _that_ bad. You never really ever got mad at him, mostly annoyed, at most.

The point was that Mammon had thought you were busy, and that’s why you did not respond.

But... seeing you briefly like that. There was no clear sign that you were working.

Then _again_ , you could have been swamped with the extra work you had from being an exchange student. Maybe you left for a snack break and went off to continue whatever it was you were doing. He knew Lucifer – and by extension, Diavolo – weren’t ones to be the kindest when it involved giving paperwork or tasks.

So, with a sigh, the demon decided to let it pass this time. After all, you had been acting perfectly fine the previous few days.

What was the worst that could happen? 

* * *

**Mammon**

Why aren’t you still answering my messages?! You better not have blocked me!

What do ya think you’re doin’ staying away from THE GREAT MAMMON?!

Get your butt moving! I want to see ya!

I mean, not like I want to see ya in particular! Since you’re a fragile human and all that, you know.

...

Wait, are ya even on your D.D.D? Do you have it with ya? I asked Levi, and he said that you haven’t been talking to him, either.

He seemed confused cause you stopped watchin' his otaku stuff with him, playing games, or even hanging out in his room…

* * *

Why had Mammon jinxed it? 

Mammon had confronted Leviathan because he knew that the human hung around him often, too. But apparently, Levi was being ignored, just like he was. What was even going on? The two then opted to speak to the rest of their brothers. Just to see what was up on their sides with the human.

Was it the same case for them? Oh, it was indeed.

It seemed like his human had been ignoring some of his brothers. But it was probably even longer than they had done to him. He was the last one that had been cut off. And honestly, he did not know if he could count himself as lucky for that. Or not…

It all began with Belphegor.

Because, _of course_ , it did.

So, it was understandable why his youngest brother was getting the worst cold shoulder. It was warranted, simple as that. The Avatar of Sloth deserved worse if Mammon could only get his talons on him, without the chance of Beel interfering. Nobody messed with his human, not even one of his brothers. A part of him still held a grudge over that incident.

Sure, Mammon understood why the other had attacked his human, but it did not excuse his actions.

But now, what in the Devildom had the others done that Mammon didn’t know about? What had he done…? Because soon after Belphegor, the rest of the brothers followed suit. Levi was next, a bit after he was Beel, Asmo was shortly after that, then a perplexed Lucifer, and a frustrated Satan.

Then finally, himself…

In the end, the brothers had to hold some sort of meeting to discuss matters.

Lucifer had been upset because the human’s behavior would end up ruining Diavolo’s plans for the exchange program. And Mammon immediately jumped into their defense because there was such a concept as _trauma_. They’d all, minus Satan, had their own fair share of it during the ‘Fall,’ and their painful transformations into who they were today.

(Like Mammon wasn’t the smartest, but he still had common sense, unlike _some_ of his brothers.)

Even Satan came to his aid and revealed things that made everyone slump in their seats. In fact, the demon of Wrath seemed to know why their human was acting the way they were. And though it only seemed like half of the whole truth, it was still enough to make remorse rise in each of them.

Mammon hated himself for not noticing sooner that his human was distancing themselves on purpose. He felt so utterly useless once more because demon abilities and powers could not resolve this freaking mess. Damn it, why were you isolating yourself?

And why did this…

Why did it feel so much worse than one of those hags’ hexes did?

* * *

**Mammon**

Hey MC?

You’ve been ignoring the others, too... They’ve sent ya messages, but you haven’t been readin’ ‘em.

The only one you’ve really been around much these days is me, but that also stopped…

None of the others are mad! I mean, you could tell if you saw the group chat or saw them.

We’ve all talking about you…

Nothing bad!

Just…

Can I come see ya? To know if you’re okay. I’m real worried now, too.

* * *

A few more days passed...

And his human was still going to classes at RAD and doing their regular routines. But it was all too obvious when you’d run away from any of them that you were actively avoiding them.

Honestly, Mammon was tired of letting you slip away from him.

* * *

**Mammon**

I’m done with this.

Fine! Ignore my texts, MC!

But I’m comin’ to see ya.

Ya better hope your ready cause THE GREAT MAMMON is making a grand entrance. One way or another! A locked door won’t keep me out, and you know it!

So, see you in 5!

* * *

Mammon rubbed the back of his head, messing up silvery locks slightly in the process, as he thought about you, yet again.

It had been quite a few days already since he first realized that something was wrong. And it had been worrisome when the Avatar of Greed spoken to his brothers and pieced things together. That… there was something more to the sudden reticence coming from their – no, _his_ – human.

But screw waiting around patiently, Mammon was determined and not backing down, no matter what messages his brothers were sending in their group chat. He understood that the brothers wanted you to open up on your own. But he wanted to see you and not just a mere glimpse of you.

And if what Satan had said were true… Then you’d _definitely_ be too pissed to even want to begin the conversation.

Most of the demon’s brothers had been way too forward with their gestures of affection toward you, which drove him crazy those days before you started isolating yourself. Because he was jealous that you weren’t giving _him_ the Great Mammon, your undivided attention.

But then, he noticed certain things like how you’d lost your usual spark, the way you were lost in your head most of the time, and how he could barely remember when the last time you smiled was.

Rubbing salt in the wound was the fact that – minus him, Satan, and… Belphegor. The others had been making stupid mistakes with your identity, where concern for your well-being and mental state should have been instead.

The Greed demon knew that you deserved a proper apology. For the shit that you’d been put through by all of them. Even his own dumbass knew that he had messed up, too. He had been too busy treating you like you were some fragile figurine that would break at any moment – waves of fear for your safety oozing from him whenever he was around you. Something which wasn’t any better, either.

Mammon knew that he’d been taking his title as your guardian to a new extreme now. Meanwhile, all you probably desired was comfort and a friend. One that would listen and give you a sense of normality back when it was practically ripped away from you.

Mammon wanted that, too.

But it was _hard_.

The demon would never want to tell you about it, but the incident plagued his mind for _nights_. He already experienced occasional bouts of nightmares of other things, but this one added itself to the extensive list. The worst possible nightmares of you with different outcomes. Ones of you not appearing on top of the stairs like you did. Ones of your poor purple-bruised neck as he held you tightly. Ones of an even bloodier scene that formed with each nightmare that occurred.

Ones of you never coming back…

And his teeth clenched tightly, just recalling the event.

The white-haired male could not rid himself of the memories – how the you that disappeared in his arms had tried mumbling comforting words to him. It had almost broken him when they had said that they kept their promise to him, laughing ever so softly. The one of how, if he could not protect you, to simply _die_. And then, he was forced to watch you do just that.

Unable to form reassurances back to them in their final moments.

His mind a damn _blank_ at the worst time.

It was frustrating because, once more, Mammon had been rendered useless and powerless to help you in your time of need. All the other failures did not matter because you had been fine in the end. But this one? At the moment when you _needed_ him the most, he could do absolutely nothing.

Like what kind of a pathetic guardian even was he?

Did he still deserve the title of your _guardian_?

The doubts and conflicting thoughts swarming his mind, then it all was suddenly piling up before he realized it. For some reason, to his utter frustration, you had slowly drifted away from him, too. Sure, Mammon understood why now, but at the time, he didn’t. And it had driven him mad!

Because why? Why? _Why_?! Why in the Devildom had you chosen to distance yourself when you had been killed by Belphegor!?

_No, wait._ Mammon took a deep breath, groaning. _That’s wrong… You almost died. But thankfully, you’re still here with me._

Deep inside, the demon knew that you were not the person who he had gotten to know.

Mammon knew that you and they were different versions, according to what Barbatos had told them that night. And from what Satan had also reiterated, it only solidified the fact. And he tried accepting this since – even if he failed one you already – you were still breathing and here, hanging around him like usual.

But when the two of you spoke to each other and recalled stuff you both had done previously, there were discrepancies. The demon was not as dumb as his brothers seemed to think he was. He knew that… the two of you might have looked the exact same and acted the same way.

But you both had lived through different decisions and choices, remembering things differently.

At the end of the day, you weren’t _his_ human.

Mammon understood that in more ways than one because he was a curious person, greedy with everything, even information.

A while ago, before everything, he had leafed through and read bits of something concerning this type of concept in one of Satan’s books. One that the demon knew was worth a lot of Grimm. At the time, he ignored the words. And him being him, had attempted to sell it. Only to fail and get busted by his wrathful younger brother. Then scolded and tied upside down by an irritated Lucifer, and, eventually, was freed by a fond you.

(He was aware of shit even if people thought he wasn’t.)

Sure, you weren’t _his_ human.

But _fuck_ if the Greedy demon didn’t still consider you the best damn thing that ever happened to him.

So, yes, he had tried to bridge that gap and come to terms with it because he cared about you too much to lose you. Because you were _his_ , screw everyone else. Whether it was to care for, to protect, to hug, to chat with you – he wanted all of you and _needed_ you.

Even if he tried to hide it…

Mammon cursed himself, he really did. The nightmares he had might have affected the way he acted towards you too much, which he honestly didn’t mean for it to happen. The devil did not realize that he was not the best at hiding how he really felt. Not until he saw the way you’d look at him with a strained smile and dull eyes.

Everyone knew that communication was a two-way street. And boy, was this household full of the worst people possible for communicating with each other. As displayed by their distant human and the rest of his concerned demon brothers.

(He was the most worried of all, though.)

When Mammon had sent you that text about his dream. The one about the witches that always badgered him, it had been the truth.

It messed him up even more as he remembered the events in it, but he knew how to deal with those hags, for the most part. It had been the one sporadic nightmare that had not involved you in it. And he opened up to you about it, which you showed concern and open ears – or rather, eyes – for him. He wanted to continue on and admit to you that other terrible dreams bothered him. But instead, he wrote how he would tell you more details if you paid enough Grimm for it.

And you knowing of his quirks, sent him a sighing demon sticker and reassuring messages in response. 

(You knew him so well. No matter what he did, huh?)

The Avatar of Greed genuinely cursed his vice for getting in the way of being honest to you at times.

But Mammon would make sure that it would not get in the way anymore! He was going to find a way to enter your room and check up on you without fail. Now the biggest problem was… How was he going to accomplish that? He had tried before, but you would lock your door, not permitting anyone with access inside.

The demon clicked his tongue in annoyance then stared around at his bedroom for an idea to strike. His yellow and blue orbs peered around until they landed on his window, staring blankly at it for a couple of minutes. Then, the realization hit. And his eyes went wide as a lightbulb lit up in his head, a signature toothy grin forming on his lips.

“Heh, and people think that I ain’t smart!” Mammon boasted to himself.

* * *

Oro – your new favorite of the many Little Ds of Greed – had just left through the window to continue doing other tasks that they needed to accomplish. However, the little one could not lock the window from the outside, so it had no choice but to leave it open. To be fair, you did not really get up to close it, either. Mostly, because you were too lazy at the moment to move and lock it properly.

You sighed.

Your emotional exhaustion was finally reaching you after venting everything you held inside to the little dark creature. As you laid on the soft mattress, you felt your eyes slowly closing and quickly opening, a sign that sleep was trying to claim you. It felt nice, slowly drifting off to slumber as you rest your weary head on your fluffy, marshmallow of a pillow.

(Was this even _your_ room? Or did it belong to the deceased and gone version of you?)

You tried to disregard those thoughts even though you could not push them away for long. As much as you didn’t want to be, you were a mess even now. The venting to the small demon only functioned as a minor relief. As Barbatos’ words, now, were whirling around through your head like a broken record.

_Push it aside. Just push it away for now. Out of sight, out of mind. And you can deal with it later, so try to rest right now._

However, that idea was cut short when you heard a sound.

The noise was soft, but it was so sudden that it grabbed your attention as you raised a confused brow on what it could be. You were more alert and awake now, though not of your own want. You peeled yourself off of your bed with a small complaint and tried to listen and locate the source. It sounded like some sort of… flapping? It was like someone was waving a heavy sheet to create the noise.

Actually, now that you thought about it, it sounded more like…

“Yo! Surprise, MC. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me!”

“W-what?” You stuttered out, surprised at the person’s appearance.

Ah, so it had been the sound of wings.

Of course, it was the flapping of _freaking wings_. You were so freaking dumb to not realize the fact sooner. Literally, there were four out of seven brothers who owned that method of getting around. Of course, one of them would use it to make their way down to your bedroom window downstairs.

“Mammon?!” You cried.

The white-haired devil, who was decked out in his demon form, grinned at you as he tapped on the glass pane.

“You sure like being secretive and quiet, don’t you? Almost a week of avoidin’ me and holding yourself up in your room. You were even letting the Little Ds sneak in here! I know because I smell the residual scent of one of mine having been here. The little shits…” Mammon crossed his arms with a huff as his wings kept him hovering. 

_So much for hiding in my room…_ You were still shocked, staring blankly at the other.

“Hellooo? Are ya even listening to me? Ah, it looks like you are now. So, with that, wanna lemme in, then? Or should I just let myself in like usual?” Mammon asked, which really was a first since he liked to make himself comfortable without consulting you.

“Why?” You stared at him, looking deep into his eyes.

In them, you saw a blitz of many different emotions within them. Amongst them was none of the things that you’d seen from Lucifer, Beel, or the others. Instead, a sense of understanding and hope, which leaped out at you. You gazed at him longer before sighing gently, knowing that you couldn’t escape from him for long.

You did not want to fall back in the mindset of being “home” again, but… You’d feel bad if you continue to ignore _him_.

“Fine,” you replied as you walked over to him and pulled up the window for him, “Come on in, then.”

Mammon looked surprised, but he flew closer. Then he stood on the windowsill, crouching as he sat down. He placed one leg over the sill then the other one, and, just like that, he was inside your room. The demon dusted himself as he transformed back into his more humanlike appearance with his usual brown and white aviator jacket, stepping down to stand on the ground.

“You sure like making me work a lot, don’t ya? You know how annoyin’ it is to work extra and sneakily fly around my own home, human? Sheesh…” He said, but it was teasing, which made your lips involuntarily twitch.

_Stop that right now._

“Oh, yeah?” You said back, raising a brow. “I’m sure it wasn’t too hard. You know… since you’re pretty used to that. Considering that you like sneaking around to see what valuables you can get your hands on.” It was just as teasing, and the demon huffed, a faint hue of red forming on his lovely tanned skin.

_Please stop before you hurt yourself again._

“Yeah, yeah…” Mammon grumbled with a pout.

You’d missed his presence, feeling the pact between the two of you pulse slightly. The warmth and comforting hum of it filling your system. Funny, because how’d that even work? When it was this MC who had made a pact with him, and not _you_?

Despite the negative thoughts gnawing at your mind, you tried to focus on some sort of positive.

Yes, this was a different Mammon, but it was nevertheless him. No matter how you looked at it. You still had the others in mind, and in your heart, of course. There was no doubt about that. But you would _try_ and be civil with these brothers. After most of them proved that they could regain your trust, that is.

“Well, make yourself comfortable.” You offered.

But the Avatar of Greed was already way ahead of you. Throwing himself on top of your bed, rolling around in it for a bit before turning to face you. He rested his head on his arm, flattening your fluffy pillow, looking reminiscent of that particular scene of Rose from the _Titanic_. Except with his clothes on, of course.

You rolled your eyes warmly before shaking your head. “Guess you already did…”

You went and grabbed a purple beanbag chair that you had bought a while ago. Thankfully, it was near the mini-fridge that was hidden cleverly, out of sight, in your room. That fridge was explicitly reserved for any of the Little Ds of Gluttony that usually hung around you and helped you with earning Grimm. It was actually you and those little ones who made enough money to buy the cozy seat.

(So, it seemed like this version of you had similar thoughts, then…)

Placing the beanbag across from your occupied bed, you plopped down and wiggled in the chair, then became still. You awkwardly glanced up at Mammon, who mimicked your action, just as awkward.

_Oh, well, then. That’s a bit reassuring, I’m glad I’m not the only one…_ It was an oddly comforting thing to know that both of you had no clue where to even start your conversation.

There was a beat before…

“Mammon.”

“MC.”

You both blinked at your synchronization, then laughed.

“You go first.” You said softly.

“No,” Mammon shook his head gently, “I think you should be the one. Mostly because I…” He took a deep breath and looked like he was trying to form a response. “You’ve been through a lot, MC. And I know some of my brothers can be assholes, even if they try to mean well.”

You preferred to stay silent, for once not finding any words to say. Which was sad since this was someone who you used to be able to share almost everything with. Luckily, it seemed like the other caught that fact because the silence was broken before it became more awkward.

“I spoke with Satan…”

You blinked, partly surprised.

It was not a rare thing that the two brothers had conversations with each other. Despite their very notable differences in personalities and interests. But you mostly were surprised that this Mammon had gone through such lengths, putting aside his own pride to ask the other things – ones possibly concerning you.

“He told me briefly about what you were going through with the others, and that’s not fair on you. Because we both know you’re not _her_.”

Mammon grimaced. And you did, too.

“Lilith might’ve been our lil sis, and we miss her, but we had centuries to mourn her. It’s not fair that some of the others mistake you for her, or whatever the hell they were thinkin’.”

Bluish-yellow gradient orbs gleamed brightly as they gazed into your eyes. “And wanna know why? It’s because you’re MC, duh.” He said, plain and simple. “You’re no one else, but _you_. You’re both ways too different, even if ya do happen to descent from her.”

_Stop it._

You still did not speak.

_Just stop it, please. I appreciate hearing this so much, Mammon. But I don’t want to get attached to you, or any of the others. I just want to see if the way back to where I belong will work. And I just…I want to be left alone._ That last part was a lie that you were desperately trying to convince yourself of.

“Guess…” Mammon inhaled. “I might have not helped, either, huh? I– I’m sorry for not doin’ more. For not… I don’t know! I just wish ya didn’t look so damn sad like you do now…” The expression on his face was enough to make you cave in.

(Why were you so weak?)

_Damn it, Mammon_ … You thought to yourself, trying to hold back the slight warmth building up under your eyes. _Why did you pick now of all times to be so mature and sweet? It makes the guilt of staying away from you, way worse! You’re too-!_

You cursed silently, clenching your fist in your lap, then loosening it.

Mammon clicked his tongue then blushed as he tore his gaze away from you. “You’re my human, got that?! Don’t go feelin’ bad and pushin’ me off to the side cause of something silly like that next time!” He said, in his very much expected “tsundere” manner.

_His, but not his…_

“But, I’m not _your_ human.” You blurted out, still upset. “The MC from this reality disappeared, remember…?”

It was your turn to look away now.

“Don’t you realize that you are different from _my_ Mammon? Or that your brothers here are different from the ones that _I_ know? Why do you care so much about me when I don’t even belong here? The person you knew is gone, and I’m here instead. An impostor….” _Just like all of you guys._

You winced, not having meant to say it in such an abrupt way.

But it left your mouth without much thought – pure instinct moving your lips for you. Obviously, you both saw and knew that you did not belong here. Mammon _especially_ understood why. So, why did you have to open your big mouth? It could have been a slap to the face for the demon. At least, for all you knew.

What if your words made him leave?

_That’s what I want, though, isn’t it? Being alone, so I can focus on my priorities. Mammon should leave, after all. It’d be better for both of us if he did._ You thought, turning your head from the demon.

However, you were surprised instead.

“Yeah, and so what?”

Mammon’s voice was closer than before, and you spun your head to see why. And honestly, maybe you shouldn’t have… Because you could feel the second that you internally started panicking. The demon’s face – a mere inches away from yours now.

_Wait, why are you so close?! How come I didn’t hear you get up? And… why? Why do you still care so much about me? I don’t understand…_ Those were the only things your mind could compute at the moment.

“Look at me, okay, MC?”

You obliged, looking deep into his bright eyes, curious about what the other had to say now. Mammon stuttered as he tried to remain serious with your intense gaze, clearly embarrassed.

“Look, I might not be that other Mammon that you knew… And you might not be my MC, either. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care bout ya, got it?” He stated. “You’re still that person who was brave enough to make a pact with the Great Mammon. My trusty partner-in-crime, my favorite human. I’m still your first man!”

_Of course_. You thought as your heart fluttered involuntarily, listening to the other. And there you were again, wistfully getting lost in his words. _As expected of Mammon._ You loved that questionable phrasing of his. You honestly would not have him any other way.

This demon indeed was the most emotionally aware of his brothers, especially towards you. And he knew exactly what you needed to hear, but there was still a pit in your stomach.

_Can I… Can I really stay here? Everyone is so happy here, but the others back home are suffering… I have to help them; they need me more than these guys do._ _But…_

Conflicted.

What else could you possibly be at this moment?

“Even if we have our differences, I still care a lot about ya, and I promise to protect you better, so nothing like this happens again. I’m the Avatar of Greed and the second-born, no dying before I can get to you again. I… don’t think I’d be able to take it…”

Mammon’s voice lowered into a whisper by the end of his speech. And it was the first time that you’d ever heard him be so open about his feelings.

It was a nice change from his usual tough-guy act, and him hiding away how he truly feels from you and everyone else. It was always nice to hear him admit any personal thoughts to you. But it only made you more conflicted, and you were quiet as you absorbed his words.

You knew what you had to do, but you didn’t like it.

At all.

_I…I’m sorry that I’m going to be pulling a Belphegor, but I… I have to check if your door or Barbatos’ door is the key to heading back. One is too out of the way, but the other isn’t, so…_

You felt like crap because of your scheme. But you elected to utilize the ashamed tears that rushed down to make the silver-haired male believe you were touched by his words. Something which wasn’t a lie, either.

The dam had finally broken, and there was no way to hold it back now.

Still, you struggled to muffle your sob.

The devil slowly backed away as you continued to stare at him with a gloss in your eyes. One that made his own orbs gradually widen in panicked realization. “GAH!! WAIT NO! MC, please don’t start crying for Diavolo’s sake! The hell am I supposed to do to make you stop– OOF!” 

You jumped up from your spot and quickly tackled the demon into a tight embrace. Luckily, both of you fell safely on your bed. Though that probably had more to do with the other, making sure the two of you landed that way.

“Y-yo, MC. Come on, lemme go, will ya?” Mammon stuttered, yet he wrapped his arms around you, contradicting his words. “This is kinda embarrassing, ya know…” His voice trailed off, though. He couldn’t help it when he felt your grip tighten on the back of his jacket. Or when he sensed the side to side movement of your head, which was currently buried in his chest.

You only squeezed tighter as you silently cried.

“Oh, alright…” Mammon sighed softly. He moved one of his hands to caress the back of your head, gently lacing his fingers through your hair in a soothing motion. “I guess I wouldn’t mind staying like this,” he admitted.

You lay there with him, taking in his presence, and appreciating every second of it. _Mammon, I’m sorry. You're going to hate me for this, but I’m really sorry. I’m so, so sorry…_

You had to compose yourself before you could speak again.

“Do... Do you miss the MC from here?” You asked him quietly, hating how your voice cracked from the emotion. Yet, the sound of the rhythmic beating of Mammon’s heart was a welcomed comfort that put you at ease.

There was shifting from him moving under your head.

“Yeah, I do… Because there was stuff that we did that you probably didn’t do with your Mammon.” It was just as quiet and intimate, almost vulnerable, as he told you more about the person that you had replaced in this timeline. “I had, have, nightmares about losing them. _Losing you_.” His hold around you strengthened but not uncomfortably so.

_I…_

The guilt worsens as you imagined what his reaction would be like. When you’d end up disappearing on this Mammon for a second time... No number of apologies could lessen the shame you felt rise within. But you were already decided.

“I miss… I miss my Mammon and the other brothers, too,” you murmured back to him.

He beckoned for you to continue, so you did.

“I feel horrible because… I left them behind in a terrible situation, and they’re probably still waiting for me to return… Or maybe, they’re not, and they’re really gone like Barbatos said they were. I’m not sure, and that makes it all the worse if I try to find out for myself.” Being vague about it would be best.

“Is– Is there really a way for you to… check?”

_If only you knew…_

You were truthful because you owed the other that, at least. “Yes… My Barbatos told me how I could head back. It would probably be a one-way trip. And it’s fairly simple how to do it, too.” You felt Mammon twitch, knowing how he was reading in between the lines. “But… I haven’t had the guts to try it. Only because I don’t want to find out that they might not…” You purposely trailed off, refusing to accept that as truth.

Mammon held you closer. “I know it’s selfish of me to ask this, but… I don’t want to lose you again. So, please don’t leave me, MC. I know you care about the other versions of us, but–”

You wished that things had been different.

And that these demon boys never had lost their own MC, so that it would not hurt either of you. Yes, you wished these boys could get their MC back, and that you could return to your boys soon after. It was only wishful thinking, though. And life was not that kind.

_Lie to him. Lie, lie, lie…_

“–I won’t.” You shook your head, cutting him off, and hating yourself. “I promise that I’ll stay here with you guys. At least, until I go back to the Human Realm after the year here is up.”

It was amazing how easy it was to lie when you had your mind was set out to do something. It was almost disgusting, you grimaced.

You and Mammon shifted around on the mattress, turning on your sides, so you both could look at each other’s faces, still maintaining that closeness. The two of you clasped your hands together as if that were a lifeline and squeezed tightly for reassurance. Both of your other hands simply rested near your clasped ones.

“Would you…” A beat. “Would you like to tell me more about what you and your MC did that we didn’t?” You offered him a gentle curve of your lips. “I think it would be therapeutic for the two of us. Talking helps me when I’m feeling down…”

_It’s the least I can do…_

Mammon glanced at the – still – joined hands and bowed his head. “Yeah,” he murmured back, “I’d like that. And you… could tell me more about the other me and the rest of my bros from your place.” The demon chuckled softly. “I bet that other Mammon was as great as me, too,” he said.

_He was, no… He is as much of a sweetheart as you are_. You thought, feeling numb.

This incident was too fresh in both your minds, and it would not be forgotten anytime soon. Hell, you were sure that this might never be able to leave you entirely. Its deep scars were evident on your mind and subconscious. But you were going to attempt and find comfort in this Mammon since you both shared an understanding and that mutual sense of loss.

_Ha._

Was it terrible for you to do? To use him, then up and leave him?

Perhaps it was.

_If I’m going to be seeing you all around, then I hope… that you can forgive me. For imagining that you guys are the others for just a little while longer…_

All you needed to do was knock on the door you’d come through. To just knock on it when you wanted to go back. And go back, you would.

But for now, you had to be patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, I don't know them, but the person who cleaned up these chat stickers was lilli-chae.tumblr.com. 
> 
> So, if you have a tumblr (which I do not T_T), give them some love for making those stickers look amazing! ~ :'D


	3. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial isn't healthy for a person. Nor is it just a river in Egypt, even if you want it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, ahhh... ._. 
> 
> The angst continues on because I'm a horrible person, and these lessons made me feel way too many things, tbh.

Asmodeus had his hands planted firmly on the surface of his vanity, aggressively tapping his fingers in agitation. An action brought about by pent-up frustrations. He stared at his reflection – something which, usually, would provide him with some sort of delight, pleasure, or _something_.

But not this time.

The demon might have been smiling on the exterior – because frowning can cause wrinkle lines, and he simply cannot ruin this beautiful face. But, on the inside, he was genuinely annoyed because of one certain silver-haired brother of his.

Yes, Asmodeus was upset. But he was bound to upholding a specific image of himself that he needed to portray to the world. He had to wear a smile, even if his heart ached. It was an odd sensation that he had not felt in thousands of years because he stopped being so open with his emotions. Since he didn’t need feelings getting in the way of his promiscuous acts.

Besides…

What a shame that it’d be. For others to be deprived of seeing the demon’s radiance and natural beauty of his cheeky smile.

_Hmph, a real… shame._ Asmodeus huffed, pissed off but determined to not show it.

Hence, he was perfectly _fine_.

The Avatar of Lust refused to show how angry he was that his scummy, idiot brother decided to confront their dear human without even telling anyone. He certainly would not display the jealousy that he felt at seeing that the other’s attempt had worked out in the end.

(Unlike his and the other brother’s forced patience to try and give space for their human, so they could approach them when ready.)

Mammon and MC were hanging out again.

_Yay_ …

Wasn’t that such a joyful and great thing, though? His dear human friend, aside from Solomon, was slowly getting comfortable with them again. That’s what that meant, right?

Because Mammon got his usual amount of attention from them, and even Satan, somehow, got the occasional reserved hello now. Sure, you hadn’t spoken with the Avatar of Wrath since, well… Anyway, the point was that you weren’t entirely ignoring the other anymore. It was progress!

Even if you still did not approach any of the others.

(Even if you didn’t approach _him_.)

No, Asmodeus was not jealous of the fact.

Mammon was one of the brothers who had not fallen into the wishful imagination of having their precious little sister back. His only mistake was simply being overbearingly protective in his own way. And then, there was Satan. The blond knew precisely what it was like to be seen as something else. And you actually had spoken to him. But something else, possibly, another thing within you, broke that off.

(You still had spoken to some of his brothers. But not him. After all, why would you come to _him_?)

The caramel-haired demon wasn’t bothered by how the second eldest handled the situation and got their resident exchange student to leave the confines of their room. Nor about how they would go out to places like they used to.

Asmodeus wasn’t oblivious about the difference in the before and now, either. He noticed how things between the pair might have seemed natural again, albeit slightly strained. It showed that some obstacles still needed to be surpassed and mistakes to be fixed.

(But could Asmo actually fix what he, himself, and the others had damaged?)

_After all, they went to him, and not you. If MC isn’t seeking your attention or affection, then guess you aren’t as grand as you think. Or as desired by them..._ Asmodeus winced, hating how pathetic and weak the thought had been.

Those things never bothered him before – nothing used to get under his skin, only rolling off him like butter. The whole incident with that nuisance of a portrait back in the Demon Lord’s castle was proof and a small example of his bouts of lack of remorse. So, why was he thinking like this now?

(So, he may possibly care. But only for one person, and it was the human.)

Still, the handsome demon tried to crush the lashing whip of his anxieties that spoke up in the back of his head with a huff and an icy glare aimed at the poor, harmless mirror. Those thoughts were pointless and useless to him right now.

Yet, his thoughts were insistent as they forced more images into his mind.

No, Asmodeus was fine.

And he definitely wasn’t even hurt that the two would not have breakfast with the rest of them at the House of Lamentation. Preferring to leave to who knows where before their shared class, only for him to watch them walk in, laughing and smiling amongst themselves.

_I want some of your attention, too, MC. Why must you insist on giving it all to that moron? Why can’t you just come to me and talk with me like we used to? I’m so much better than him… And I miss you so much more… It hurts._

(Sure, Asmodeus cared deeply for his brothers. Despite being devious or weird about it at times. Yet, that didn’t mean that they did not annoy him.)

_Hmph…_ Asmodeus huffed again.

Honestly, even Solomon and the rest of the exchange students hung out with MC more now. The cute, but loud chihuahua would invite you more often to Purgatory Hall to bake apparently. And Simeon would be around, making small talk and bonding with you, too.

Solomon would send him pictures of it.

The only way he could find out how you were doing because Mammon was a closed book about it, and they would argue about you. But it was nice that his two favorite humans were getting along! The two were chatting more about magic, Human Realm related things, and would go out to have fun.

Just… without _him_.

Oh, the mental image made him scowl unconsciously, horns briefly materializing into existence. Oh, it was so utterly unfair-!

Asmodeus inhaled deeply, massaging his face lightly, before smiling boyishly at his reflection. His dark horns with pink tips disappearing from sight. And his own face stared back at him with that same expression, appearing as empty as he felt.

_Hush, relax, and smile; that’s the way._

Besides, that little envious catchphrase of things being unfair belonged to Leviathan.

And Asmodeus had to calm his anger because that mixed with his impulsiveness could cause chaos – full-scale wars and conflicts as they had done before. Though entertaining, he had much more valuable issues to worry about.

So, Asmodeus was fine.

Everything was _fine_.

(But were they really, though…?)

xxxxxx

_It’s a brand-new day, and no progress has been made..._

You were sitting at one of the tables of the gloomy, candle-lit lunchroom – which technically looked more like a massive dining hall.

Mammon had an earlier class than you did today, so he begrudgingly left to his Ancient Devildom Literature course. He luckily didn’t make much of a fuss. Since he’d eventually meet up with you in the next one.

There was still some time. And so, you chose to come here, knowing that some familiar faces would be here. A small relief that would, hopefully, help you to ignore the fact that matters weren’t going your way and Mammon’s door was still unchecked.

_That’s fine, though. Don’t even worry about it… So, take a deep breath and smile. Everything is perfectly fine!_

You had been internally using that mantra repeatedly during the last three days.

But…

It was not too useful at convincing the others that you were okay. Your outward mask only covered up so much. Try as you might, you still saw the worried glances from the two angels, who stared at you like you were about to fall apart and break from the slightest of touch.

_I should really invest in acting lessons. Or the drama department. Because Lady Gaga would be severely disappointed by my poker face._ It was meant as a joke for yourself to laugh about, but your internal delivery of it was dry and unamused, no mirth in it whatsoever.

You felt terrible that you couldn’t completely hide your unease from the two angels.

It got to the point that Luke even insisted on you heading to his dorm later to make some desserts together – a routine formed to raise your spirits. And it was sweet of the fledgling angel enough to bring a small smile to your face. It especially made you laugh when he started criticizing the demon brothers, accusing them of upsetting you.

“I knew those demons couldn’t be trusted. Hmph! You say the word, MC! And I’ll gladly let you stay in my dorm, just like you did for me before!” Luke said.

_God, this kid couldn’t be sweeter. It’s like having the little brother that I’ve never had._

“Thanks, Luke,” you smiled kindly. “But I’m alright over there. It’s just one big… miscommunication problem.” That was an understatement, but it was technically accurate? In a sense. “Anyway, I wouldn’t want to take up your couch, much less your bed. You need to sleep comfortably, too, okay?”

After all, a growing child needed their rest – a thousand years older than you, or not. And Luke was the age equivalent of a ten-year-old human, according to Simeon.

Your mouth twitched a bit, thinking about the small angel’s words, but you didn’t comment on how humorous they were. Because it was mostly Beelzebub, who allowed the other to stay. Considering that, you know, it was the Avatar of Gluttony’s bedroom in the first place.

(You stubbornly disregarded the other person who the room belonged to.)

“I really appreciate it, though,” you reassured him because, once again, the offer was cute, and the sentiment was understood.

Luke flushed, clutching his little fists in front of his chest in flustered anger. “…But those demons don’t-!”

“Now, now. I know how passionate you are for helping MC, but that’s enough, Luke.” Simeon offered you his gentle smile, and Luke pouted. “If they say they’re alright, then you shouldn’t stress them out with arguing.”

“I’m sorry…” Luke replied before turning back to Simeon. “But I wasn’t arguing, though!” He turned his head towards you once more. “The baking offer still stands! I’ve been learning newer recipes, and I’d like to try them out with you!”

Solomon rubbed his chin with his usual little smile, sitting in the spot next to you. “Would those be recipes that you learned from Barbatos by chance?” It sounded innocent. But since it was coming from the sorcerer, there was another meaning to his words. The actual reason it was probably said. Was that Luke got along quite well with the demon prince’s butler. Irony at its finest for the small angel who supposedly disliked all demons.

“…!”

Luke became more flustered and quickly started defending himself as Solomon and Simeon laughed softly at the younger-looking boy. “It’s not like that! I would never allow myself to be friends with a demon. He’s just a good teacher and has a lot of ideas for baking!”

Solomon, taking joy in it, continued to tease Luke, much to the other’s dismay. “Really? It certainly does seem that way. You two seem like good friends; there’s nothing wrong with that,” he said.

“Nyuh-!” Luke complained, flailing around childishly. “Wait a second, who are you to talk?! You have way too many pacts with demons, Solomon! And Asmodeus is your friend, isn’t he? So, why don’t we turn the conversation towards you, then?” The small blond retorted, and it made the sorcerer chuckle once again.

“We could, but where is the fun in that?”

Despite being entertained by the exchange, a certain dark-skinned angel entered the mix, light blue eyes gleaming in faint amusement. “You know, you should learn to stop teasing him so much, Solomon,” Simeon said, finally stepping in.

“Hmm? But you were laughing before, too?” Solomon smiled.

“Haha, that’s true. I just can’t help but admire Luke’s strict values. He’s gotten quite better at interacting with some demons, and Barbatos seems just as fond of him.”

“Oh?”

“Lord Diavolo mentioned it in passing, and I thought it was endearing.”

“Hey, wait!” Luke seemed annoyed, but his blush suggested that he was touched to hear the graceful green-haired demon held him in high esteem. “Don’t just talk about me to him as if I weren’t here, Simeon!” 

You felt yourself relax further at the familiar chatter from your fellow exchange student friends. The group's – for the most part – oblivious behavior about what had transpired… It was welcomed and a nice change of pace. It allowed you to feel at ease and immerse yourself in this place – to believe that things were normal.

(For a moment, it felt like _home_.)

While you might have been distracted, you were not so much so that you didn’t notice what Solomon was doing somewhat stealthily.

When he wasn’t doing something on his D.D.D., you caught Solomon staring intently at you. He was giving you an ancient stare that seemed to see right through your façade. The sorcerer seemed to know precisely what you felt inside, but you refused to admit it to him or anyone around.

Your fellow human and close friend… Yeah, it might have been another Solomon, but he was too perceptive for your own good.

_Damn it, you pesky old man. Don’t use your freaky sorcerer powers to figure out how I’m feeling right now. Though… I wonder what he’s doing. He’s spent most of the time on his phone._ You questioned to yourself, returning his piercing look with a firm one of your own.

“…”

Solomon tilted his head, then nodded slowly, looking back towards Simeon as he spoke. With that, you quietly excused yourself to the group and left early to class, noticing the time, ignoring all their eyes following you out.

You sighed. _I’m so tired…_

* * *

**Solomon**

I’m here at RAD in the cafeteria with MC.

Luke and Simeon are also here, and we’re having quite the fun conversation. Not like that part might interest you, though. 

But if you wanted to find MC, which I know you did. You now know.

**Asmo**

Solomon!

You know me so well, don’t you!?

Have you finally fallen for my charm, and that’s why you’re helping me?

**Solomon**

No.

I just knew you were worried.

You haven’t been yourself in days. And while others may have not noticed it, I did.

**Asmo**

Oh…

I see, thank you, then.

I guess I might be a bit upset that I haven’t been able to…

**Solomon**

Get things back how they used to be before?

**Asmo**

There’s your weirdly accurate intuition again.

It’s scarily accurate, and you don’t even know about everything.

That ring…

It must be convenient, huh?

**Solomon**

Asmo.

Isn’t there something else you’d like to ask?

**Asmo**

Right!

Are they still there with you?

I’ve been hoping to talk to them alone.

But every time I do… The idiot, money-grubber, decides to drag them away. 

**Solomon**

They were.

But then, they just left early towards their class.

So, if you head over there now, you can probably have a small chat.

**Asmo**

**Solomon**

Of course.

* * *

Remember how Asmodeus had thought everything was okay?

_Unfortunately, that was a huge lie. And I’m… ugh, for once, an even bigger idiot than Mammon… Oh, ew, that was awful to even think about!_

Still, the caramel-haired male hurried over from the academy’s courtyard towards the building he knew you were at.

He was officially _done_ – no more stalling and being in a state of denial. No more waiting around for you. No more waiting for something to happen when it was, _he_ who should have done something.

He was part of the guilty party, and one of the people that had acted like you hadn’t suffered and then died – _disappeared_ – in front of them. One of the people that called you a different name and treated you another way when the truth was revealed. Just because you descended from their little sister’s bloodline.

You looked nothing like them, so why?

Why did he call you _Lils_?

Showing you all sorts of cute outfits at Majolish, which reminded him of Lilith and when he’d spend time with her or shower her in cute gifts. Garments that gave him a sense of nostalgia of simpler times before the Great Celestial War and her untimely demise.

Before he _fell_ with the rest of his brothers…

Before being transformed into what Asmodeus used to believe was a hideous and unlovable form. A shade of what previously had been the Jewel of the Heavens. His angelic wings damaged and seared into bat-like appendages that he slowly grew to love as much as his old ones. The full demon form that he had to become accustomed to gradually.

The growing insecurities of his appearance and intense desire for validation from everyone… And least not forget, the libido which formed once the chastity he represented faded away from his system like a distant memory…

(Perhaps, a guilty part of him wished for his sister, and what he used to be. Another part utterly contented with you being by his side instead, and the way you accepted him unconditionally – flaws and all.)

Still, why would he call you Lilith as if you were them? How could he do that when it would hurt you so much? He’d seen the way your eyes would dim and grow bitter each time it happened. But you’d bite down on your words, keeping them restrained with a faint nod of your head.

_The world might adore me. But the person I want – the one who I cannot charm or fool like everyone else. They won’t even look me in the eyes anymore._

The demon ignored the others around him who glanced in his direction as they watched him pass by. His main priority was you right now.

_MC is such a fascinating person,_ he thought to himself, thinking about the many things he loved and respected about you – one of those being your ability to apologize so effortlessly when you needed to. Something which Asmodeus had thought was laughably human and cute since apologies tended to be quite rare things down here – once in a blue moon, even.

After all, most, if not all, demons were beings with high levels of pride. And refused to do something that would seem like they were lowering themselves.

But not him.

The Avatar of Lust would leave pride with Lucifer. Because he had tried to be patient, but he just could not anymore.

Asmodeus missed your gentle presence when the two of you would rest on in his bed. He wanted all the lively discussions and laughs back. He wanted the times where he'd play around with your hair as you lay your head on his lap or vice versa. The way you’d look at him with tender eyes and a heartfelt smile when he could be himself around you.

Simple details and factors that made him so absolutely smitten with you.

And all those things would not have happened. Had it not been for the retreat in Lord Diavolo’s castle. What once was Indifference towards you had blossomed into something more precious and valuable as he began to get to know you better.

(Who would have thought a mere human could tame the very representation of Lust?)

All Asmodeus wanted was to apologize and get you to speak to him again. To spend time with you, and Solomon, his sincerest friends. And he would repeat it as many times as needed – tired of being in denial and feigning that things were okay behind his façade.

A façade, not unlike your very own.

* * *

You sat down in your assigned – unassigned – seat as you stared vacantly at the blank chalkboard in front of you. Lost in thought as you drummed out a random tune on the desk, bored.

_It’s nice to be around Mammon again, but… I feel like I shouldn’t have given in so quickly or at all._

You probably shouldn’t have honestly. To be reacting so casually after everything that happened, especially with the plans that you had prepared. Just before leaving this world once things were figured out. Without even a single goodbye to any of the doppelgängers here.

After all, the confused, upset, and shaken spell over you was lifted and over with.

That stage was done, and currently, you were already in the next phase. Who the hell had decided that grief had multiple different stages? Because you didn’t believe in such a thing, no way. Even if, in a manner of speaking, the Nile was only a river in Egypt now. You only wanted to live in this fantasy world until reality once again decided to burst your little bubble. And you’d be ready to go.

(But _denial_? Ha, you don’t know them.)

“MC? Are you in here?” A silky voice broke you out of your trance.

And the next thing you knew, you were blinking and squinting. Seeing as the multiple candlelights in the room were set alight, forcing you to adjust to the sudden change in brightness.

“…Asmodeus?”

You were surprised to see him here this early. Because, for the most part, his arrival meant a crowd of all sorts of demons and other beings following after him like love-stricken puppies vying for a tiny bit of his attention. The type of group that tended to drain the other. Since they only seemed to care about his status, power, and splendor.

There was no one else, though – just him.

“Yep, it’s me! Your dear and lovely, Asmo! ~”

The words were chipper, but you’d seen the finch Asmodeus gave at being addressed by his actual name and not his usual nickname.

It made you sigh softly. That was a detail that you had realized you began doing after the several days of heartaches and, still lingering, grief – all of your nicknames for these brothers gone. You had tried changing it, but the habit stuck, so you let it be.

“Let me guess,” you said, forcing yourself to sound indifferent. “The only reason that you knew I’d come here before anyone else into a seemingly dark and empty classroom…. Was because Solomon was messaging you about where I was. Wasn’t he?”

You should have figured that was what Solomon had been doing with the way he stared at you with his inscrutable smile. 

Asmodeus let out a light chuckle. “Sol can be such a dear sometimes, you know. ~ And well, I wouldn’t have to resort towards that if I could only have the chance and speak with you.” His reddish-yellow orbs darkened before he shook his head sadly. “I just… I miss you. Even though I know you’re still around, it feels like you’ve gone somewhere far away.”

You stare at the demon’s body language carefully. And you can see how uncomfortable the other truly was about revealing this, especially in a place where people could walk in at a single moment’s notice. He was a surprisingly private person, keeping his thoughts hidden from almost everyone.

(Except you and Solomon and, occasionally, his brothers.)

Honestly, you could simply turn your head, refuse to interact with him.

In your mind, you knew that nothing harmed him more than being ignored and forgotten like yesterday’s news. But, as you recalled the times that you spent with the other Asmo, it made you pause and frown. Did you really have the heart to coldly push him away like he feared you might?

(No, you didn’t. Because you were _weak_ – way too soft for all these demons boys of yours.)

Curiosity and your soft spot for him won. 

“Asmodeus…” You made a face, puckering and unpuckering your lips as you furrowed your brows. The other simply looked at you with a hopeful expression, appearing incredibly similar to a particular human emoji. Really, how the hell did he even speak or communicate himself in emoji like that?

“We can chat for a bit here, and then after our classes…”

You glanced away, drumming nervously once again, not realizing that you had even stopped. “I guess we can go to your room and talk more privately, alright? I’ll hear you out then because that’s the right thing to do.” The last part was meant as a jab towards him and the others.

_I’ll hear you out. Even though you didn’t do that for me._

The Avatar of Lust frowned, looking like a petulant child. “That’s fine, but… At least, look at me! I hate that you don’t even look at me anymore!” He genuinely sounded upset, but you steeled yourself off, staring at him with cold eyes.

_Oh… Is that right?_

“Well, that’s rich,” you hissed bitterly, controlled by pure impulse.

“So, I should just gaze at you with sparkling eyes and be happy-go-lucky and oblivious as ever. Because it felt _so_ fantastic being looked at like I was somebody else.” A snort escaped your lips as you clenched your fist. “Oh yeah, I should just look at you like I always do. You’re a little sad and guilty now, _right_? So, I should suck it up again, just for you!”

“No, that’s not what I’m trying to say–”

You cut him off. “–Because when I needed to have my feelings considered, I wasn’t. But yours? Excuse me, your magnificence! I guess I should get right on that since I’m obviously disposable and unimportant! So, here.” You smiled way too pleasantly at him, wielding it like a weapon. “Hey ‘Asmo,’ how are you doing? Is everything fine? I hope you know that you can come to me for anything.”

“That’s not– I don’t think…”

The brunette was taken back by your tone, your words like a knife to the chest. Asmodeus was stunned into silence, and he wilted like a flower, becoming quiet.

“Yeah… Everything is fine for us, right?” You said quietly. “We like hiding behind masks to pretend like things are fine when they aren’t. Mine wasn’t as prominent as yours, though. But now that it is, and I’m not opening up to you like you would to me… It must hurt, huh?”

“MC–”

“It hurt that when I needed someone to open up to… You didn’t give back the same sympathy.”

Asmodeus bit his lip as he tried to reach out towards you. “MC…”

“Oi! What’s the big idea here?!” Mammon’s loud voice came from the door as he kicked it open, emitting a golden aura. “Who the heck locked the door with magic, huh?! It was you, wasn’t it, Asmo!” He cried, marching over like a man on a mission.

The two of you stared at the male who interrupted the tense moment. Seeing that the Avatar of Greed did not read the atmosphere.

Mammon continued protesting loudly. “Trying to get alone time with MC, huh?!”

“Mammon…” You sighed, internally relieved at his appearance.

Asmodeus rolled his eyes at the other demon, but it didn’t have its usual venom. He cursed mentally as he saw other classmates make their way inside, who most chuckled at the Greed demon’s antics. “Oh, shut up, Mammon. You’re ruining my wonderful eardrums with your banshee screams,” he stated. 

“HAH?! Don’t talk to your GREAT big brother like that! I deserve more respect than that, you little shi-!”

“How expected of you… Ugh, must you always resort to cursing when you can’t use your words to win a verbal battle?” Asmo replied, flipping his hair nonchalantly before giving you a _look_. “MC… I’m sorry that our conversation went so bad, but please…” His pink sunrise-colored orbs softened. “Promise me that you’ll talk to me later in my room, okay?”

Mammon squawked. “OVER MY DEAD BODY!”

“Hmm, hmm! ~ Good thing that I wasn’t speaking to _you_.”

Your eyes observed the two arguing brothers before landing on the professor – the poised redheaded female that was now strolling in through the door, the last one to arrive. The elder-looking demon seemed to raise a delicate brow as she stared at Mammon, who was still cursing and pointing angrily at his younger brother in his jealous fit.

Slowly, you nodded at the fifth born. The sly boy had been seated as soon as the teacher had made her appearance. “I already told you that I would, Asmodeus… So, I’ll be seeing you later. And Mammon… please sit down.”

“WHAT?! WHY?! Are you taking his side?!”

“Mammon, you’re literally walking me back later. So, don’t sound so upset… Besides, um, the professor is behind you,” you winced, remembering how strict the female demon was. The glint in her dark violet eyes did not make it any better.

“Shit…”

“Please. Do take a seat, Mammon. Class is in session now.”

“What an idiot! ~” Asmodeus chimed cutely next to you as Mammon growled towards him, plopping down in the other spot next to you.

_Why must life treat me this way…?_

You may have groaned, but there was a lightness forming inside of you as you snuck a glance at the brunette next to you.

* * *

You and Mammon arrived back at the House of Lamentation after a few hours of tedious and boring classes.

At first, you were trying to ignore that the silver-haired demon kept giving you looks. But, at some point, you finally “caught” the other in the act, shooting him an amused look.

“You should stop staring so much. Or you could just take a picture. It’ll last longer, you know,” you said, chuckling. Especially when Mammon pretended that he was doing no such thing. “Is this about Asmodeus and me back in the classroom? It was nothing bad, things just got slightly heated.” You were quick to reassure.

Mammon’s flustered expression fades as he frowns. “No, I know it wasn’t. I just,” he paused, staring up at the stairs. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay with him? I mean, the Great Mammon can keep you company if you don’t–”

You laugh softly. “It’s Asmodeus.”

(He was trustworthy was the underlying message. The demon never tried to kill you or succeeded in killing you.)

Mammon’s golden-blue orbs softened. “Yeah, he might be a pain in the ass and a huge diva. But he means well, he just happens to hide it. But still... If anything happens or you get upset for whatever reason, then you already know my room is always open for ya, human.”

_Don’t get too attached now._

“Oh, wow! You sound so mature now, Mammon!”

“HEY! What’s that supposed to mean, huh?! I can be mature when I wanna be!”

“Pfft…”

“DON’T LAUGH, YOU DAMN HUMAN! I’m serious!”

* * *

You gazed at Mammon’s bedroom door as you knocked on a certain caramel-haired demon’s door.

_So close yet so far…_

But you were brought out of your trance when the one you knocked on swung open. And you were, then, being ushered in by an equally pajama-clad Asmodeus. The sight of the attire made you blink, considering that you had bought your own Asmo a similar one. Even if the other slept au naturel.

“Oh, MC! So, you didn’t change your mind! I’m so glad… Please come in, come in! Get cozy, okay? ~”

“Well, I told you I wouldn’t. Didn’t I?”

“True, true, but… I got concerned.”

The other brushed his long sweeping bangs back a bit as he dragged you towards the bed. You allowed it to happen because his touch was gentle and calming, taking in the faint familiar scent of his cologne – a mixture of vanilla and strawberries – with a fond smile. And then, you sat yourself down across from him.

Once the two of you were settled, it was quiet for a bit.

You noted that, as the silence continued, Asmodeus seemed to fall in on himself. He began to appear smaller than he indeed was as his usual bravado gradually dissipated. You observed how it left you with the nervous, quiet, and contemplative Asmodeus that you knew well.

_But he’s still not your Asmo. None of them are your boys. ~ Just give it up already, won’t you?_ Crooned the little venomous voice in your head that wouldn’t leave you alone. You shook your head to focus back on the other, who looked ready to speak.

“I’m sorry,” Asmodeus started, and you stared, nodding.

“Okay… Why?” You wondered if he knew what to say.

The demon pursed his lips, and you almost teased him about the threat of wrinkles. “I knew that you weren’t Lilith, but I guess I lost myself in the memories of it. She was special to all of us, and it was nice having a piece of her and that life back. Even if I do _dread_ things about the Celestial Realm and would never want to go back to that life.”

_That’s fair. Pot meet kettle because we’re in the same boat, except for not wanting to return. I want what I lost back, too. So, I can’t fault you for that…_

Asmodeus continued. “Still, I’m disappointed in myself for making that mistake. The two of you are nothing alike, not in personality or looks. It’s like comparing two different fashion brands.” He joked, pulling a smile from out of you. “You’re not Lils, and I’m sorry for all those ridiculous name slips, MC.”

_That was one thing down_ , you thought.

The other seemed to realize the same thing. “That’s not all… I guess I was blinded by a lot of factors for a while. The whole Lilith thing helped me block out the pain of the Belphie incident,” you flinched, “of having just lost a version of you,” he revealed.

“I…” You blinked. “I didn’t expect that.”

“I didn’t show it.” Asmodeus chuckled regrettably. “I was shocked that you were there in Mammon’s arms, dying because of Belphie. I wanted to shout. I wanted to do something more, but I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move. And when Levi called out, and I saw you up those stairs. I almost…”

You took in a shaky breath.

“Ah… See?”

Asmodeus smiled sadly.

“I didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t want to bring back those bad memories for you, but it’s necessary now since I don’t want you thinking that I don’t care about you. You aren’t disposable, and you are right. I was bitter that you weren’t open to me. When it was me, who wasn’t allowing you the chance to be. I’m so sorry, MC.”

“It’s fine,” you tried repeating your mantra, but it only upset the other further.

“–No!” Asmodeus cried, throwing his arms around you, and shaking his head, startling you.

You were utterly still as he cried. “I hate that word! Stop saying that! We use it so much when we don’t even mean it. We aren’t _fine_! What part of this situation was _fine_? We keep saying that we are, and we’re not! Why do we have to hide from each other that we’re not okay!?” He was tearing up now, and you let your arms embrace him back, squeezing him tightly.

“Asmo–”

“Don’t you trust me? I know that things won’t be fixed so soon. But I– I just love you so much… Please don’t push me away, MC…” The usually confident demon sobbed.

_Damn it, this would be so much easier if you guys were easy to hate,_ you thought to yourself.

Asmodeus was crying quietly, sniffling as he released you and lowered his head. His long, light-colored bangs covering part of his face as if shielding him away. You bit your lip and raised your hand towards his cheek, tenderly caressing his face.

“Asmo...” You whispered, the nickname slipping in the heat of the moment.

It was enough to make the other smile a bit, though.

“I never cared this much for someone before. I’ve only cared about my siblings this much. I haven’t had such uncomfortable emotions or aches in my chest since the ‘Fall.’ All these emotions were traded for vice, I thought.” Asmodeus sniffled as you wiped his tears gently with your thumb.

“I used to always wear my heart on my sleeve, you know.”

You gave him a soft look as you considered the markings on his demon form. “Are you talking about your-?”

Asmodeus transformed into the humanoid demonic form and gestured at his arm tattoos. “It was to represent what I gave up. But, in a way, it also meant that. And it seems like I can’t help but keep wearing it on my sleeve, even if it’s only for you...” His pastel orbs started to water again, and you couldn’t hold any resentment against him.

_I love this crybaby demon boy…_

(Even if he wasn’t the original one.)

“MC… You make me feel so many things I didn’t in such a long time. I never wanted you to feel as horrible as you did. You don’t deserve that. I care too much about you, and I would never want that for you.”

You decided to stop his tears, wiping them once more.

“Hey, stop that,” you chided, pulling Asmodeus closer to your chest, so you could now caress his silky locks. “Frowning causes wrinkles, remember? And we can’t have your thoughtful and sweet self, getting any of that. Now can we?”

It made the male pressed against you giggle, and you smiled at the pleasant sound. Honestly, you could care less about outward appearances. Hence why you didn’t mention any traits pertaining to physical beauty. Because it was what was inside that mattered. And this boy of yours had a kind heart despite being a demon.

Asmodeus was more than his looks and his sin.

“Tell you what,” you say, still holding the other close. “We have a small spa night before bed, and we can cuddle and talk until we fall asleep.”

“Like we always do?” Asmodeus mumbled.

Your eyes softened slightly. “Like we always would…”

* * *

It was not the same.

But…

Spending time with Asmodeus again was great and desperately needed because he was another one who you could speak to about anything. Surprisingly being the other person. Besides Mammon, who was the most emotionally aware of all his brothers.

You had deeply missed the other’s company and his melodious voice, which seemed to always soothe your occasionally frazzled nerves as he spoke to you about any and all sorts of things. Whether it was gossip about what was going on RAD, motivational talk to boost each other up, in-depth conversation about your insecurities, or just a private one-on-one chat.

However, that doesn’t stop you from sneaking out of his room when the lights were off. You glance briefly at the demon and try not to laugh. His face is covered with an overnight sleeping mask, apparently made to make skin glow – not that he needed it. He was also cuddling your arm to his chest, sleeping away. 

So, you gently slide your arm away and place a pillow in its place, and then you slip out of there, heading towards Mammon’s room.

_Everyone should be asleep by now, so it shouldn’t be a bad idea to check now. Mammon is a heavy sleeper, too…_

* * *

Oh.

You stared blankly.

_Oh, I see._

Mammon’s door hadn’t worked…

_That would be too easy, wouldn’t it?_

You resolutely held back your tears. It would be worthless to cry anymore because the waterworks would not make your life return to normal or even give you what you truly wished for. That and the others who had their rooms near the Avatar of Greed would be able to hear your presence if you did.

_Asmodeus is finally happy again, and I don’t want to ruin that. I also don’t want Mammon or Satan to hear that I was here, so..._

You stared blankly at the door for a while longer. The boost of energy from when you’d been with Asmodeus depleted in the blink of an eye.

Then you quietly returned to your bedroom instead of returning to the other’s room, the weight of anger and defeat unbearable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone on tumblr mentioned how Asmo in his demon form has his heart tattoos, and how it shows that he wears on heart on his sleeve, and it just made me go like YESSS.


	4. Anger and Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the need to isolate yourself disappears, or the feelings of denial fade, anger is next in line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *casually remembers that this story was only going to have spoilers from lessons 15 to 17 but then edits summary to include lesson 18.* 
> 
> Ha! 
> 
> I'm an idiot who either plans ahead their writing or doesn't know what they're doing until they actually sit down and write.

Another few days later, things were relatively okay.

Though…

You were currently hunched forward with your hands covering your face in frustration and embarrassment. Sitting pretzel-style upon your bed, blushing slightly. However, you were not alone, oh, no.

Since fixing things up with the two, Mammon and Asmodeus were now able to come in and out of your room as they pleased, and they liked sticking to you. (Just like before, but not, as the tale goes.)

And the two brothers were arguing and getting on each other’s nerves, as was semi-usual.

“GRR! Who gave ya permission to get cozied up with MC, huh?! You got a lotta nerve, Asmo!” Mammon growled, even if it sounded way too cute to count as a legitimate growl. But you wouldn’t tell the other that for fear of injuring his pride.

Mammon continued, turning towards you now. “Why the hell were you so close to him, anyway, huh?!”

“Mammon… Nothing happened. Don’t let him get to you,” you said, for the umpteenth time.

It was so easy to get the other man jealous and heated up when it involved you somehow. It was a funny sight as it always was – witnessing his determined face, the annoyed twitch of his brow, and his clenched teeth.

Asmodeus chuckled as he did a twirl to face the silver-haired male. “That’s real cute,” he stated, unbothered.

You sighed softly, peeking through your fingers, just in time to see the mischievous gleam in his pastel orbs.

“Since when do I need permission?” Asmodeus hummed. “If MC says that it’s okay to cuddle and be affectionate, then it’s perfectly okay! So, why are you so bothered, hmm?” He wiggled his brows wickedly and flashed you a teasing wink. “Is there something you’d like to say to them? About why you are so obviously upset?”

“GAH-! Well… You know! I’m their first man, so I have to protect their virtue from the likes of you! Got it?!”

Asmodeus narrowed his eyes, looking almost dumbfounded. “You idiot, you’re so transparent that it isn’t even funny… In case you forgot, we’re _demons_. Remember? We don’t ‘protect virtues’ at all. Seriously, Mammon? At least, come up with something better than that…”

“SHUT UP!”

_Please stop teasing the poor boy…_

You rolled your eyes, which were still hidden behind the palms of your hands.

_Stop bothering him, Asmodeus. You know he isn’t going to admit his feelings because he’s easily embarrassed by them. Jeez, it’s not like we did anything besides hug each other and lay in the same bed for a while. I’m sure you’ve teased him enough about that…_

“Anyway!”

Asmodeus beamed, sauntering over towards you, gently prying your hands away from your face. “We have a break from school! A week, to be exact. And we can hang out together, go to clubs, and catch up during that time! Ooh, we can have so much fun!”

The smile immediately changed into a smirk, and you were so close to slapping your own face again.

“Without Mammon, of course! ~”

“ _Asmo_ -!”

“Did you hear that, MC? It must be a breeze. ~”

“The windows are shut, Asmodeus…”

“Oh! Are they? I couldn’t really tell.”

“DON’T IGNORE THE GREAT MAMMON LIKE THIS!”

Once again, you sighed, feeling a headache brewing in the back of your skull. “Please stop teasing him so much! Besides, I think Mammon gets it already…” Was this his version of payback towards the second eldest for not letting him anywhere near you before?

Mammon grinned, and Asmodeus pouted.

“Aw… Don’t be so boring, MC! You know you still love me!”

“Ha! We all know that the human, of course, likes the Great Mammon more…” There was a small pause of silence before. “...Right!?”

You smiled weakly at them, eyes tracing over each and every one of their individual features, your heart squeezing tightly inside of your chest. How could you possibly answer that? There were no words – mostly because you were terrible at forming them aloud – to describe how much you cared for each of them. 

“Oh, Mammon, you’re so cute. Of course, I love you.”

You chuckle fondly as the other blushed, and it made Asmodeus jokingly complain that he felt left out on the compliments now.

“Pshh… Ah, you’re as charming and cheeky as ever, Asmodeus. But you know I love you too. I… honestly care for all of you a lot. The three of us together – we’re the ‘Partyyyy’ trio… duh!”

Honestly, you probably loved them all _way_ too much. You truly did. And that’s precisely the reason why you had to keep moving forward.

For _them_.

* * *

You had decided that you would be skipping breakfast, not stopping that routine, despite having two comforting presences that would be there for you. It took a bit, but after a couple more reassurances, the two brothers were convinced you would be fine, and that you’d get something to eat elsewhere.

_Comforting presences, are they?_ The voice in the back of your head hissed.

You clutched your fist, exiting your bedroom and making your way down the hallway.

_Can you really say that when you lie and manipulate them to your heart’s content? You’re such a horrible person. What if they are the only demon brothers left, and you hurt them like this? Will you risk your relationship with them for a mere pretense of hope?_ It continued, making you wince at the venomous burn of its words.

It had a point…

But it didn’t need to remind you of it at every single second of the day.

_Shut it. Shut UP. It will work out fine and be okay. Barbatos’ door is far from reach, but I’ll get there eventually. And, while I feel terrible about this, what the hell else am I supposed to do?! Damn it, just shut up already. Leave me alone…_

The voice was silent now, and you inhaled deeply to quell your anger.

You were pretty lost in thought, too distracted to notice your surroundings. Because, as you headed to the front door, you were struck by the slight pain of bumping into someone. You shook yourself off for a second, closing your eyes in a wince, before straightening yourself again.

“…Oh. I didn’t expect to bump into you, but I guess I should count myself lucky, right?”

The soft voice was terrifyingly familiar, and it sent shivers down your spine. Because _their_ presence was not wanted at the moment.

But…

You could only stare at the Avatar of Sloth in a mixture of horror and concealed anger.

“Don’t you think we should get to know each other a bit? You’ve been hard to catch, after all. And I only want to make up on missed time.” Belphegor dared to give you a gentle smile, which looked all too similar to that cheery innocent one of his. The one he made when he was laughing, and then slowly _suffocating_ you with. 

“Get away from me,” you mumbled, flexing all of your fingers, agitated.

The purple-haired demon blinked.

“Huh?”

“Move…”

“I can’t hear you, MC–”

“–I said, ‘GET AWAY FROM ME!’ Are you kidding me?!” You shouted, seeing red take over your vision as you shoved him roughly toward the side. It didn’t matter that the other had seemingly let himself be treated like that by a “lowly human” like you. Or whatever he might have or have not said afterward.

Because all you could see was a malicious glint in his eye the second that you’d pushed him.

“Now… That wasn’t nice of you.” Belphegor commented, and you couldn’t stand even looking at him, but maintained direct eye contact to not appear weak in front of him.

“I’ll show you nice, you little-! Stop looking at me like that!” You growled in response, a little too loudly, forgetting momentarily that literally, _everyone_ was just nearby – all gathered in the dining room.

“What do you mean-?”

“What exactly is happening here! What is with the sudden yelling?” You heard Lucifer boom from the side, his figure standing at the doorway of the other room along with the others. His and the rest of his brother’s voices mixing into a big muddle of sounds.

“MC. Belphegor. Explain.” Lucifer.

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Leviathan.

“Belphie? MC? Are you both okay?” Beelzebub.

“I’m fine, Beel… Don’t worry about me.” Belphegor.

“Oi, MC! Are you okay?! What the hell did you do, Belphie!?” Mammon.

“Hey, MC? It’s alright… Calm down, I can sense your anger from here, and I understand. But please calm down, you look pale.” Satan.

“Could everyone just stop talking for a moment? Can’t you see that you’re all speaking over one another and making things worse!” Asmodeus.

You were quite aware of the fact that you’d started shaking. But you shook your head and did the only thing you could think of – flight or fight response activated. Ignoring the footsteps and the concern of the approaching figures, you quickly ran away from the scene.

You did not stop nor turn when the demon brothers called out for you.

_Please, just this once… Leave me alone! I can’t breathe, and I need to breathe right now._

You grit your teeth, thinking that it’d be better to just disappear.

_I wanted to live in a little fantasy world where everything is fine, and I can hang out with all of them like we used to. But that ain’t happening. And then, there's that… **devil** with his little act, trying to catch weak, old me off guard. But it won't work!_

You narrow your eyes as you storm off into the streets.

_I wasn’t expecting to see him so suddenly, but I wish I could have-! Ugh. I refuse to trust him, and his “I’ve changed” act. Trust him? Yeah, right. I will never do something stupid like that again._

You cursed ever agreeing to Lord Diavolo and Barbatos’ special task in the first place.

* * *

You were marginally calmer now, at least enough to think reasonably now. But that didn’t mean the rage that was simmering inside of you had left.

You wandered the streets of the Devildom, disregarding the pangs of hunger that struck you every once in a while. You huffed, wondering where you should go now while also thinking back to what happened, not so long ago.

_Everyone is probably having breakfast with your murderer and local manipulator, even after your little scene. And here you are, yet another manipulator. Incredible, they must come in pairs...!_ Your annoying mental companion stated in its wispy and echo-like tone.

You latched onto the first part, ignoring the second part entirely. The concept of being anywhere _near_ that demon… The one who had murdered you with such little regard.

It was enough to fill you with pure rage.

You knew you should have expected this kind of behavior from demons. Because, _duh_ , it was in the species’ nature to be ruthless and cruel. And hell, if you were honest, you had expected being killed way sooner than when you had gotten attacked by the purple-haired male.

Still, you refused to embrace him or be as kind to him as his brothers were.

(There were exceptions, of course. These versions of Mammon, Asmodeus, and perhaps even Satan were safe from your inner frustrations and grudge.)

But you were still upset at the ones who had yet to come up and speak to you. The ones who again welcomed Belphegor with arms wide open, despite what had occurred to you. The ones that also thought of you as their _dear, precious Lilith_. Even if the two of you were as similar as the human-equivalent of night and day.

Oh, yeah, you wanted no part in that.

* * *

You went for some peace and quiet to the Royal Library. Again, if you were honest… You were sure that the silence would drive you crazy even faster than avoiding the rest of the demon brothers.

But once the sadness dissipated, your anger persisted.

And thus, you were seated quietly at one of the wooden tables on the higher floors. Right next to a large window that displayed the dark late morning of the Devildom, along with random demon pedestrians who passed by. The twinkling glow of the streets shining like multicolored beacons of light – a rather tranquil sight. 

_They all seem like they’re having fun…_

You had an old, yet well-maintained tome opened upon the table. And it was about the different circles of the Devildom and their functions and history. A fascinating piece of work because maybe _Dante’s_ _Inferno_ was on to something, after all.

You were there for a while, trying to read through its pages.

But…

Sure, your eyes would see the words, but your mind was too far away, unable to focus on the literature even if you wanted to.

“With the way things appear, rather than you read the book. It looks like it is, in fact, reading you.” A familiar voice said quietly, causing you to jolt and snap out of your daze.

A certain blond male with a dark sea-blue blazer and light green V-neck sweater was standing before you. In one of his hands, he held his own book, too. It almost seemed like he was silently requesting permission to sit at your table. Even though this was a public space and he obviously didn’t have to do that.

_I… I didn’t expect to see him after my outburst earlier. Honestly, I didn’t anticipate seeing anyone here at all…_

“Oh, um, hi,” you said, a tad awkwardly, instead. “Shouldn’t you be celebrating that, uh… demon holiday? It’s a nice day to be out and about, you know.”

The reason there was even a break from RAD was because of said celebration. You glanced back outside at the people, then back towards the demon before you. Asmodeus had mentioned the event briefly to you before, enthusiastic for the time off from all the rigorous courses.

Yeah…

Other than that, you couldn’t recall much about it.

“It’s the celebration of one of the nobles who seized control of the Devildom in a mere week. That Lord just happens to have been our Lord Diavolo’s own father. It’s a famous story and incredible to think that he still is the strongest living ruler we’ve had. Quite an accomplishment,” Satan explained.

Ah, so that’s what it was about, then.

_Huh, I wonder if I’ll ever meet him the Devil Himself? Wait… Didn’t Lord Diavolo or one of the others mention that he was sleeping under the Castle?_

You focused back just in time to listen to Satan speak.

“Besides, I prefer sitting down and reading a good book over that sometimes.” The blond gestured around at the empty space, “Especially when the library isn’t full of noisy individuals.”

“I see,” you replied. “But… Why did you really come here? There’s a library in the House of Lamentation. And your room is practically your little haven from your brothers and the world. This is… rare.” You felt bad that the words came out with more attitude than you intended.

“Got me…”

A bemused chuckle escaped the demon.

“I guess I was hoping you’d come here, seeing as it’s usually rather peaceful.” A place where most of his brothers wouldn’t be able to guess you’d gone to, and you nod. “I took an educated guess, and I was correct,” Satan finished, tilting his head.

“Well… I’m here. Anything else you’d like to mention?” Once more, you winced at the attitude that accidentally slipped out.

Satan nodded.

“The other night,” you froze, and he didn’t comment about it, “I saw you. I heard when you left Asmo’s room and went to Mammon’s. I saw you standing outside of Mammon’s room. You seemed distraught, mumbling stuff out loud,” he explained.

“Oh…” You uttered.

Satan said the other night, but there was no way that the other had heard you. After all, you had done that as silently and stealthy as possible. You were sure you did, didn’t you? Maybe… Maybe he was just confusing it for another time. One where you had contemplated knocking but instead got scared of being caught and bailed last minute?

_That has to be it._

Because, to be fair, you had done that often in your attempts to scope out the area. To test out that entryway, only to _now_ know that it was a failure.

_Unless he really did see me that…_

You feigned ignorance just in case you were wrong. “I didn’t think anyone was around.”

Satan hummed, continuing to gaze at you patiently, and you realized he was still waiting for your response about him sitting down.

You took a deep breath and nodded your head at the other. You might as well extend an olive branch to him. Since the blond devil _was_ the only other person who knew what you were going through the whole, “I’m MC, not Lilith” identity issue.

And it served as a silent apology for ignoring him even though he understood what you were going through.

“I imagined you didn’t,” Satan replied, his voice not giving anything away. His emerald eyes gleamed, accepting the silent offer, moving to sit down in the chair across from you. He placed his book down on the table. “But I won’t badger you about that right now.”

You sighed, relieved.

The blond chuckled again.

“Don’t sound so relieved. After all, we’ll still be discussing things. What I rather talk about… is your avoidance of me.” You went to interrupt him, but he lifted a brow and shook his head at you. “And, no, saying hello doesn’t count.”

And with that, you drooped back down into your seat.

“I must admit that I was concerned when you didn’t reply or look at my messages. Or when you suddenly stopped speaking to me altogether. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant feeling,” Satan added.

_Straight to the point, huh?_ You grimaced slightly, feeling the sudden urge to apologize. _At least, he’s honest._

“I’m really sorry about that, Satan. I just–”

Satan shook his head. “You don’t have to be sorry, MC. I recognize that the manner most of us accepted Belphegor…”

_Huh, full name, and not Belphie_ , you observed.

“…It must have come off badly on our parts. Another version of you was just killed, and most of us simply welcomed him back.” Satan frowned, and his brows were pinched, lost in thought. “While we did miss him, and he was right under our noses the whole time. We didn’t consider your feelings in the mix at first.”

_A bit of an understatement, but go on…_

“I’m… sure you’ve noticed that things here function differently than the Human Realm.”

_No one here dies or ages because they are immortal, for the most part. And if they do get injured, they have accelerated healing that handles everything. They forgot that I was only human because I… don’t act scared and try to fight back if I can._

Those were things that popped into your head, understanding the other’s point.

Satan sighed softly. “We didn’t consider you’d take offense because it… slipped that you wouldn’t understand our customs.”

You nodded slowly.

“I get it,” you said, glanced outside the window. “No, like I really do. But think about it from my side, okay?” You looked back at the other. “I was _strangled_ before I saw that the other me died. I don’t even know if _I_ died, somehow.”

The memories tried to inch their way into your mind, and you had to push the sharp reminder and sensation of death away.

You took a deep breath. “All I know is that Belphegor paralyzed me with his powers when he hugged me. And then, proceeded to choke me until I just felt _nothing –_ nothing at all.” You clenched your fist, knocking rhythmically on the table with it, an unconscious gesture.

You were not going to mention having spoken to Lilith.

(Not yet, or perhaps, not ever.)

“I expected to be killed, okay? And that’s why I wasn’t surprised in the least when Leviathan, Beelzebub, Lucifer. Or even _you_ attempted to do that. Whether it was on purpose or unintentionally because of sheer instinct.”

Satan was silent, and you continued.

“So, Belphegor actually accomplishing that… was a shock, but I should have figured it would happen,” you chuckled grimly. “I thought I could trust him because I would speak to him outside of that locked attic door, and it was nice. But no, he had his plans from the start, and I _knew_ it in my _gut_. But still, I let it happen.”

You stared at him intensely, waiting for him to say something that would make it easier to distinguish him from your Satan.

“Shame on me, right?”

It never came.

“It wasn’t your fault for wanting to see honesty in him. You’re only human, and that’s not a fault. You try to see the good in things. _Innocent until proven guilty_ , right?” Satan replied quietly. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Yeah, it should be like that. But hey, I guess things aren’t so simple as that…”

“…”

You laughed, and it was a broken, defeated sound. “You guys… A version of you guys considered me family. And you guys just… The damn lack of concern from some of you. I’m not trying to sound self-centered or entitled to concern and stuff from you guys…”

You shuddered, inhaling, and exhaling quickly to calm down.

“But they expressed so much concern for me.”

* * *

_Yep. You’re like family to us now, after all._ (Levi)

_It would seem like my brothers think of you as part of the family now._ (Lucifer)

_But… that doesn’t mean we can’t be on the same side. Isn’t that right, MC?_ (Beel)

* * *

A frown found its way onto your face. Those tender words from Beel and the others were but a mere memory – for now.

Your frown grew slightly. “I knew that you and Mammon cared because I sensed it. And it was meant for _me_ , and it was sincere. I felt comfortable with you guys. I also understand that Asmodeus cares, too, now. But the others?”

How was it fair for you to be mad about the mistakes some of the brothers made? After all, it was all the same mistakes that you’d made, too. Seeing them as the original brothers, rather than seeing them like this – Second…? Third? – timeline’s version of them.

Honestly, what a hypocrite you were, and you knew it.

_But I don’t need your guilt right now. So, shh, brain…_

“Most just kept mistaking me for _her_. And I don’t hate her, I swear I don’t. But damn it if I didn’t want to.” You clenched your fist, stopping your drumming on the table. “Because _I_ want to be seen. For _me_ , and not as a precious memory of theirs from the past.”

Satan wisely listened.

Because it seemed like you had a lot festering up inside you. And yet, the demon could feel there was still more you were not admitting.

The Avatar of Wrath could gradually sense the anger rising within you through the pact, seeing a green aura vaguely surround you. But the blond understood that it was necessary to release all that. He did that, too. When his fury would become too much for him to suppress with a false smile.

You chuckled.

“I really thought, ‘Hey, these guys care for a silly human like me!’ Ha, I was so dumb… Because _they_ cared, and most of you were the ones that didn’t. There was too much going on. And I don’t even feel like I’m home anymore. And I want to be back, I’m _trying_ to go home.”

It slipped out accidentally, but you didn’t realize what you’d said.

“I was expecting… I don’t know what I was expecting, but I just wanted some concern over my well-being… Is that so hard?” You shook your head. “Why was Belphegor embraced with open arms? Why did some of you see someone else? Why am I still _here,_ damn it!?”

Satan’s eyes widened, but you didn’t see it as you scoffed.

“I don’t even know what to say anymore. Just… I _get_ that violence, torture, and the whole other nine yards are common here. Because _hello_ – it’s Hell. But I’m a regular human. I don’t have the luxury of being a powerful sorcerer or supernatural being. I cannot shapeshift, use magic, or recover as quickly as you all do!”

The feeling of you wanting to break something returned at full force.

“The other MC _died_. And while I’m still here, I still felt myself _die_. I saw _them_ die. And then, I was looked at as Lilith, after being killed for being just _a mere human_. Like nothing happened, no harm was done. Did I deserve any of that? No, I didn’t! I was killed by Belphegor for just… For just _existing_.”

And then, you sighed, sitting yourself down when you realized that you rose up abruptly from your chair. You glanced down and observed that your hands were tinged slightly from the force in which you had slammed your hands on the table.

“MC…”

“Sorry… I know,” you exhaled once more, “I’m… directing my anger at the wrong person, but I’m pissed off, and it just completely hit me right now. Funny, considering I’m sitting across from the Avatar of Wrath. And even you look calmer than I do right now.”

You allowed your eyes to glance up at the other and saw that Satan’s lips twitched ever so slightly.

_Huh…?_

“Well… I was actually going to say this is good.” The demon chuckled at the confused expression you made. “You venting, I mean. It’s a good thing. While it might not be physical violence, it still works to calm oneself. Besides, haven’t you also let me do the same with you?”

You nod slowly. “I have.”

_But it was with my Satan. After spending time getting to know him better after the whole body-swapping thing. Right before my Levi’s plan of trying to get Lucifer and me to get along, and I messed up Diavolo and Barbatos’s task._

“I’m not your MC… You know that, right?” You added.

An amused chuckle.

“Yes, I recall what Barbatos said. But even if you are from a different timeline or reality... I’m sure that the similarities are there in some of what you’ve experienced with us. For example, how well did you get to know me?” Satan asked.

You furrowed your brows. “Enough to know now when your smiles are fake. Or enough to know when you’re irritated, and yeah…” You admitted, trailing off.

“And have you confronted me during those times?”

“Yeah. And, surprisingly, you would calm down relatively fast. Um…” You paused, making a face. “That’s a lie, but you probably knew that. What I meant was, it took a few hours, but we would go on walks in the meantime. To cool you down… We’d also talk about books or dramas we’ve read or seen together…”

Satan nodded. “There you go. Similar experiences, but different. I won’t forget our MC anytime soon, but I can still appreciate your presence here. I… didn’t expect to grow attached to you. And then, for you to get torn away from me so soon.”

You knew that wrath was the primary emotion that the other understood the most.

After all, Satan was born from the immense rage that Lucifer felt during the Celestial War. And so, that was all that blond devil knew when he first appeared in the world. Everything else, he learned from the other demon brothers. Or through various books, where he gained information so he could be respected for his vast knowledge.

Not wanting to be solely known as the being that came to be because of Lucifer’s anger.

Satan sighed. “…MC.”

You stared, surprised to see how distraught Satan appeared.

“You recall that I mentioned you standing outside of Mammon’s door, right?”

“Yes,” you winced.

“That’s not the only thing. I heard you _that night_.”

_Oh, no…_

“It was that night when you were standing at Mammon’s door, knocking. You wanting to go back to ‘the other timeline,’ but… I didn’t want to say anything about it.” Satan’s voice was hushed, and you were stunned, caught sooner in your scheme than you’d anticipated. “I wasn’t going to mention it… Not until I heard how much you miss us, no… _them_.”

“Satan, I-!” You stammered.

The other only shook his head. “It’s fine. I won’t be ratting you out to Lucifer or anyone else. If you aren’t comfortable here, then how can we dare to keep you here?” Satan shot you a tiny smile, and it hurt how genuine it was.

Was he really going to be your confidant and let you walk away from here after losing his version of you? Just like that…?

_Oh, lucky you…! It sure seems like he is._ The voice in your head laughed, vaguely amused by the turn of events.

You pushed it away and did the first thing that came to mind.

In a flash, you darted over to the other’s side, ignoring how Satan shot up in worry and proceeded to hug him tightly. It was half to show that you were touched by his words and believed him. The other half was because you’d needed to apologize to him but never had the right chance, so this felt right. You wanted to show that you cared for him, both versions of him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you-!”

You hoped that the other didn’t mind being squeezed because that’s precisely what you did to him.

“Honestly, MC, you’re so strange, saying thanks for something like this,” Satan said, fondly shaking his head. “But if there’s any way that I can assist you in returning back. I’ll gladly help you. Just… don’t leave without giving us a proper farewell, alright?”

Satan managed to get one of his hands loose, so he could gently wipe the reminder of your tears.

“I will… Thanks, Satan.”

You felt so relieved that the last grateful statement you made caused you to laugh softly as you recalled the scene from _Wreck-It Ralph_. And while Satan was confused by your laughter, he didn’t comment on it, only pulling you closer to him.

A flicker of guilt flashed in your eyes.

“I’m…”

Satan pats you on the head, silencing you.

“Don’t. If you feel guilty, then you won’t be able to leave.”

“O– Okay…”

Gradually, you release him from your hold. And the blond devil cleared his throat, regaining his composure before glancing at the books that laid forgotten on the library table. You followed his emerald-colored orbs, realizing the same thing.

Ah, yes. The two of you were probably not going to be focused on reading anytime soon.

“Oh, right.” You sheepishly rubbed the back of your neck. “Good thing that this floor is empty and none of the librarians are here. Because I made a lot of noise…”

“True, but it was necessary.”

“Ha, yeah, it really was… I missed talking to you like this. It was rough without either you, Asmodeus, or Mammon.”

“Ah, so you did speak with them, then. I figured as much, seeing as you all were interacting with one another more.” Satan nodded, then he tilted his head. “…Perhaps, to make up for a loss of time, the two of us can go on a stroll somewhere?” He offered.

You stared at him, and the other just chuckled fondly when he saw the tension slowly exit your body.

“There’s this particular café that I was invited to by the owner. And I was going to head there later today alone. But since this happened, I was wondering if you’d like to go there.” _And it’s a chance to get away from any surprise encounters with the others._

The ulterior meaning was not voiced, but it was caught by you, nevertheless.

You allow a small smile to bloom. “As always, you are as popular as ever, Satan. Honestly, it’s incredible. Kind of makes me wish I were you. You practically know everyone in high places, getting invites everywhere,” you teased.

“Is that a yes?” Satan teased back.

“Well, that does sound like it’d be _nice_ …”

_Maybe… things will be okay, after all. But if I’m going to continue to make these plans, then… I’m going to have to, at least, make amends with the rest of the brothers before I go._

But as for now…

You would enjoy some time with Satan, opening up to him about the things that you couldn’t reveal to Mammon or Asmodeus. And just chatting like you used to.

You finally gave him an answer. “Let’s go, then!”

* * *

**Bonus:**

“You did _what_?”

Apparently, the place that Satan was talking about was a cat café, which was lovely, and the felines were ridiculously cute and quite enamored with him. So much so, that it prompted you to wonder why, and, thankfully, he actually told you the story of how he once had an army of cats.

“I can’t believe this.” You snorted, wondering if your own Satan had done this before you’d come to the Devildom.

Honestly, the other version of you was so lucky to have experienced this chaos and beautiful shenanigans live. How had this timeline's version of you even reacted to this? You truly wished to have seen it firsthand or at least know how they felt since, in this timeline, this happened during the very start of the exchange program.

It hadn’t happened to you, though.

(But you wished to hear the tale of it – a version of it, at least.)

Satan’s lips perked up into a smirk, but you could not take him seriously, not when he had a cat standing on his lap. He was literally playing around with their two front paws, making them do a small dance for you – the scene before you could not get any better than this.

“Lucifer allowed me the chance to have my own pet. And I, of course, saw an opportunity to annoy him.”

You rolled your eyes, petting a small, winged kitten that plopped down on your lap. You felt blessed, somehow. It made you feel like you were the chosen one, picked by a grand and noble being, and given an opportunity of the highest honor. After all, cats were picky, sometimes when it came to letting others shower them in affection.

“Of course, you did,” you said, but you were smiling.

Satan laughed softly and released the cat from its torment, finally letting it go and scratching their back lightly as they curled up into a ball on his lap. His emerald orbs scanned the café – a hint of pride in his eyes – before turning back to gaze at you.

“It didn’t start off as a way to annoy him, at first,” the cat-lover admitted. “I only wanted the first cat not to feel lonely, but it quickly got out of hand very soon. My MC was quite amused, only becoming upset when their bed and room were completely overrun by cats. Mostly because mine was also already full of them, at that point.”

“Oh, for the love of… What did Lucifer think about this whole mess? I imagine that it wasn’t anything good.” You were actually going to die of laughter.

_Holy crap, no wonder this place is so stocked up with cats. Satan practically gave this place the cat in cat café…_

“Pretty much.” Satan shrugged. “Lucifer didn’t see the joy in having so many furry companions in the house. So, he forced me to give them up. Luckily, the owner of this place was someone I knew and was searching to start a business.”

“Small world…”

“Isn’t it?”

“Yep…” You rolled your eyes fondly this time, taking a small sip of your tea. Enjoying the plate of food before you – something which you desperately needed in your system.

Satan continued his tale. “But yes, he wanted to open some sort of eating establishment. He wanted to open a place that was unique enough to attract more people than the other spots around. And, since I had so many cats, I joked that he should transform it into a cat café.”

“No freaking way…”

A nod. “He was fascinated by the concept, and so I found the perfect residence for all these cats. They love it here, and people give them the affection they deserve.”

The whole thing seemed so ridiculous and surreal, and you snorted once again. “Then, the person opened the business, and the rest is history. Am I right?” It felt like you were in some kind of cartoon or drama with how things had worked out so well.

_Only Satan could…_

“So, the saying goes.” Satan smiled pleasantly at you, taking his own sip of his drink, still petting the softly meowing cat on his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that RAD News thing about Satan being an absolute mad lad and taking over the House of Lamentation with cats was the best and most wholesome thing. Just the thing I needed in my life.
> 
> Here we have some tiny fluff to push away a bit of that angst, lmao.
> 
> (Jeez, why and how the hell do I end up writing so much, tho...? XD)


	5. Bargaining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bargaining stage varies from person to person. But perhaps, speaking matters out with another can go a long way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! ~ It's a shorter chapter than all the previous ones, but I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out.
> 
> The long chapters kind of burn me out a bit. Especially when I have no idea how to continue them ^_^u. 
> 
> So, if I have no clue how to proceed with it, and it's a good length, then I think it's okay if it ends up being shorter. Hope you all don't mind too much. And thanks for continuing to read this!

“ _Speak_. It’s just the two of us now. So, what exactly happened before we entered the room?”

“…”

“I’m offering you the opportunity to state your case first, and your continued silence is even more incriminating. You do realize that, correct?”

“…”

Next tactic, then. “Well, you witnessed it yourself. Asmodeus and Mammon were in their respective demon forms, eager in their desire to confront you head-on. Quite a feat, considering Asmo doesn’t partake in physical altercations, and Mammon has the most control, out of all of us, over his powers. So, with that, would you prefer I hand you over to them?” 

After all, nothing was more painful or intimidating than the protective fury of others. But the only response was an amethyst and magenta-colored glare along with a tired frown.

A pair of eyes were narrowed, and thin, dark brows were lowered as the person sighed deeply, sounding exasperated. “…Perhaps, think of it this way. The longer you continue this charade, the more Beel will be concerned for both of you. Do you want that?”

It might have been rather low of him to pull that card, but it had to be done. It was a weakness that was used effectively. And the words proved to be fruitful as they spurred the other person in the one-sided conversation into finally speaking after a long period of reticence. 

“…I didn’t do anything.”

“Are you _certain_?”

“Other than the whole…” Belphegor trailed off, the remembrance of the incident causing the air to become tense and uncomfortable.

_Ah, of course…._

Typically, a near-death or the demise of another outside of their circle would not garner even a bat of any of their eyes. But this was not a mere outsider – not anymore. The human had proved themselves in more ways than one, caring much for each of them, despite not needing to be the one to mend their familial messes and play the part of an inexperienced therapist. It had to be admitted, that is the part they seemed to unwilling play, almost effortlessly, in fact.

Yes, to Lucifer, the human was somewhat of a nuisance at first.

_But…_

Their character and perseverance had its own charm, despite being frustrating on multiple accounts. It only seemed to emphasize just how utterly mortal they were. And how pure their soul indeed was. Eventually, Lucifer, and the others, albeit much quicker than he, stopped seeing them as _the_ human and more as _their_ human – a member of their small dysfunctional family.

_Now, when had that happen?_

When had _Lucifer_ , a fierce and mighty demon who was one of the rulers of the Devildom… When had he begun to care about a lowly human, who had no say or rights in their personal affairs?

(Actually, the demon did recall _when_ it happened. He didn’t know _how_ or _what_ sparked the change in him, but something did. He simply refused to acknowledge it because of his own pride.)

“No, not that I know of, at least…” Belphegor admitted.

That wasn’t the desired answer.

Lucifer sighed once more, pinching the bridge of his nose, trailing his fingers upward to slowly massage his temples. “Belphegor, you understand that I cannot let this slide. _They ran out of here_. And with a strong stench of fear encompassing them, no less. Their emotions were…”

…As much of a mess as the situation.

And it was mutually left unsaid that there had been a large amount of anger in the mix. Loud enough for their senses to pick up. Even though it did not correlate with any of their sins – except for Satan. The demons could practically feel it circling around the human.

Honestly, it was for the best that Satan was the one who acted and went ahead and followed after them amid all the chaos.

Everyone had been concerned, but control had to be regained because it wouldn’t do anyone any good for them all to quarrel endlessly in the foyer. And simple as that, breakfast was forgotten as appetites were lost – unimportant in comparison to the bigger picture.

Belphegor’s frown deepened.

“I only wanted to speak with them – to resolve things. I didn’t expect them to blow up at me…” It was a guilty admission, recognizing that the reaction should have been, at least, slightly expected because it was completely warranted. “The only things I said were that I wanted to make up for the lost time, but they looked at me with such hatred, and it looked…”

A wince.

And Lucifer nodded, understanding his youngest brother.

_Ah, so it was like staring into a mirror and seeing his former self, possibly. The way Belphegor used to look at all of humanity was, now, being reflected back at him through MC. A fitting taste of one’s own medicine…_

“I see.”

“What should I-?” His brother’s voice was softer than usual, and it was the first time he’d heard him express guilt or some kind of empathy for a human.

“Give MC some space. Your statement and approach were insensitive, at best.” And this advice was coming from _Lucifer_ , something which was laughable. Because how did he understand that more than the other did?

“Think before you do something like that again. They should come to you when they feel comfortable.”

“Yeah,” Belphegor huffed, almost immature in nature. “Asmo and Mammon. And, now, Satan probably will have gotten closer to them again. I’m not _blind_. I just thought...” In less than a second, he was seemingly done with the current conversation, walking off toward the stairs.

“ _Whatever_. You know what? Never mind, I’m tired…” 

“…”

The raven-haired demon sighed, staring at the retreating figure of his youngest brother. He did not want to force MC to forgive the other. Much less, force them to do anything that they did not wish to do. However, if this were to carry on, it would only make things difficult for everyone.

_Perhaps we can fix things before…?_

Lucifer sighed once more, sitting down on one of the lounge chairs in the foyer, keeping himself busy and waiting.

* * *

It was late by the time that both of you had returned to the House of Lamentation.

Time had passed the two of you by in a blink of an eye. You had not even realized that you’d both missed dinner because you both had been distracted – out and about, just having a good time. It was very much needed. And, once again, a silent thank you was given to the demon of Wrath.

But…

You made a face at the front door.

“Something wrong, MC?”

You say nothing, glaring at the lock with an almost childish glare. “I…” Your frown shifts into a small pout. “I don’t have the luxury of being an owner of the house key… Alternate Lucifer never gave or got to give me a copy of them because we didn’t get off on the right foot, at first.”

“That’s unfortunate.” It did not sound sympathetic at all, and you lightly elbowed the other in the side, which only made the demon chuckle lowly.

“…Sorry, sorry!” No, he was not. The demon seemed very much amused by your reaction. “Don’t worry your little head too much about it. I’ll open it, then.”

Satan pulled out his copy of the key, unlocked the door, and held it out for you as you sighed softly.

Because _really_?

Your Lucifer should have given you a key to the place if you were going to be staying in this place for a whole year. Why the heck didn’t you have your own copy? What if you wanted to leave to visit Simeon, Solomon, or one of the others for a while? Or just go somewhere? Literally, you’d be forced to message someone and hope that they were home. You would have to wait around for one of the brothers to open the door for you.

Which, to be fair…

It actually happened once or twice, and you had to bargain with your Levi to let you inside because he was in the middle of a raid night. Ah, your Lord of Shadow was ever so helpful as he always was – after the raid was over, that is… But you could not fault him. Since you were actually quite similar to him when you were in the gaming zone.

Still… The whole thing was as funny as it was embarrassing.

_Oh? ~_

You paused.

_Well, would you look at that? Just look who’s there in all his glory!_ The nasty whisper of your inner guilt and conscience spoke.

You blinked, making you the first person to react, staring ahead in surprise. Not responding to the voice, you sneaked a glance at Satan and saw his displeased look. If you really thought about it, you had not expected anyone to be around – especially not one who seemed like they were waiting for your return.

(There was only one person you knew who was always on top of what everyone was doing at all times.)

Low and behold, a familiar, older raven-haired male was stood in the middle of the foyer. He stared at you both with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You’re both late,” was the only thing the demon said.

Satan threw the older raven-haired male a warning look with narrowed eyes before turning back towards you to give you a concerned one. You were not that defenseless. But still, you clutched the other’s hand, seeking reassurance from him while also offering him some.

_I’ll be fine, don’t worry._

You sent him with your eyes, ensuring that Satan could see your message before you sighed and looked back at Lucifer.

_Besides… I should have expected that the mighty Morningstar would finally want to confront me, and my behavior eventually…_

“MC,” Lucifer began, “I want you to meet me in my study. I’d like to speak with you regarding this morning’s spectacle.” His dark red eyes met with annoyed emerald ones. “Privately.” He emphasized with a stern tone, leaving no room for arguments.

“How quaint of you, Lucifer.”

You sigh.

“I mean, of course, you would want to approach the one with a lot on their plate, huh?” Satan smiled sweetly, but it was so sugary filled, you were sure it could cause a person to get cavities from just a single glance. “Did you also have a chat with Belphegor, too, then? Or is that too much for you?”

“Satan… It’s _fine_ ,” you glanced at the annoyed-looking demon next to you.

Lucifer merely sighed. “I’ve spoken with whom I need to, and now I would like to speak with MC. Do not meddle in the affairs of others, Satan,” he replied, voice firm.

The blond rolled his eyes but complied, letting go of your hand, observing as you made your way upstairs with Lucifer.

* * *

“Wow, I didn’t know it did that,” you memed quietly.

You had not known there was a concealed study in the library, just hidden behind a bookcase and the murmur of a spell. Though now, you did, and it was a kind of cool fact that you would later look back upon.

But, as for now, your lips were in a thin line as you glanced about awkwardly.

The context of the joke flew completely over Lucifer’s head. “Yes, I thought I needed a space to be able to focus on work. A place away from most of my loud brothers.”

It was said rather indifferently, but you could sense something more in the other’s tone. Lucifer was just as awkward as you, and you found it fascinating because the other always appeared so composed and put together.

(Most of the time, that is, anyway.)

“Right.”

You stared at the crackling orange-yellow glow coming from the fireplace, taking note of how the small flame seemed to encompass the room with its warmth. It felt like a few minutes had passed since you both arrived in the room, merely standing in silence.

Should…

Should you speak first?

It would not be a bad idea, seeing as you were not angry or quite as emotional as the days before. Sure, the anger that you felt today was still simmering beneath your skin, but it was manageable. As a matter of fact, you felt relatively alright at the moment.

_Emotions are complicated and tiring_ , you thought to yourself.

But, before you could say anything, Lucifer ended up speaking first.

“I have many things I’d like to speak to you about. But I believe an apology is in order. Especially about one of my many… mistakes.” Ah, yes, it was his error with your name and _hers_. That sparked the ones in most of the others. Honestly, what a good catch of his, and you were glad that he was aware of it.

You only shrugged.

“Honestly, Lucifer. I’ve talked about this matter enough that I’ve basically come to terms with it. It’s fine now. It totally wasn’t before. But it kind of is now. I’m working through it. I appreciate the gesture, though.” And it was the absolute truth.

At some point, you needed to stop wallowing in your own pity party. The past was over, but the present was still here, and the future was not yet here. And so, you had to shake yourself off and actually do something about matters. After all, results could only be had if you did your part to make something happen.

“Of course, I feel as though I should have approached you sooner about this, but…” The demon actually flounders for words, and it makes you crack a smile. 

You knew that Lucifer is not the best at providing this type of comfort. That support would be better reserved for someone like Asmodeus and Mammon. Or perhaps, even Beel. All of whom had a better grasp at comprehending other individuals’ emotional states.

Truthfully…

The embodiment of Pride was better at providing a hug or a pat on the shoulder if need be, you’d come to realize. Yet… That did not make it any less endearing when Lucifer would become soft. His voice almost a lovely velvet to your ears as he’d attempt to provide you with the right words, coupled with subtle affectionate gestures, all to make you feel better.

If there is a demon that you could understand the most, it would be Lucifer.

Because the raven-haired male reminds you very much of someone – a person you know back in the Human Realm. Due to the absolute strength and presence that he holds himself with, that itself is comforting for you. He feels familiar and almost as sturdy and reliable as a tree – a person you could lean on if you so wished.

(The same would be offered back for him if he so desired, too.)

Lucifer sighs softly, running gloved fingers through his hair. Despite messing it up, the locks quickly adjusted and fixed themselves back into place. “I hate to admit this, MC. But… I am not the best at everything that I do, as you can see.”

_Oof, I felt that. That actually must have stung his pride._

“I’d hope that things could eventually return to a sense of normality. Once you feel – for lack of a better word – adjusted to what transpired with Belphegor.”

There is a hurt gleam in his eyes, and you see it’s because the other is his brother, despite it all. “You are under no obligation to speak with him, but since you are living here in the House of Lamentation…” Lucifer trailed off.

_It would be harmful to the exchange program._ You don’t realize when you’d even said the words out loud.

“No, not because of that.”

You blink, caught off guard as Lucifer smiles softly at you. This time, it is a familiar look – one that you’ve seen on your Lucifer, the original one’s face before. It is the gentle and soft curve of the lips that is reserved exclusively for you.

(And not for _her_.)

“I’d like the opportunity for us all to be as close as we once were. It feels like a tall order to accomplish, but it is a wish that I’d hope to see unfold. And, hopefully, my youngest brother will fit somewhere in that equation.”

You nod, appreciating that he is not forcing you to reconcile with the Avatar of Sloth. “I’ll… probably be able to manage that. It’s something I had in mind to do. It’ll take a bit, though. A human doesn’t get over death easily. Nor do they often get a second chance at being alive.” You did not shy away and were blunt about it.

You receive a nod back from the eldest of the demon brothers.

“I expected as much. Take the time that you require. Though, if I could just request…” Lucifer’s dark red orbs looked pensive for a moment, and it seemed like this chat gave leeway for the next topic to break through and sprout. The one, besides the other, that he presumably also wanted to speak to you about.

You quirked a brow, intrigued. “Um, I guess…?”

“It is a compromise of sorts if you choose to accept it.”

“Go on…?”

“Lord Diavolo’s birthday celebration is coming up soon. A gala, which will be held in the Demon Lord’s Castle, as it always is. You and the other exchange students are invited along with others in the Devildom. It is a huge event, and it would be helpful if most of us were on good terms.”

His awkward tone and slight body movements practically escaped from your notice as you homed in on Lucifer’s first two sentences.

You blinked, holding back the fact that your eyes wanted to widen in surprise. “I’m sorry? The Demon Lord’s Castle? Birthday?” You added the last bit for good measure.

_Oh, Barbatos’ room? And the opportunity to speak with the man himself?_

Lucifer nodded. “Yes, I was dreading informing you about this, considering everything that has transpired. But I had to inform you sooner or later.”

_Isn’t this the chance that you’ve been waiting for?_ The voice giggles, sending a guilt-filled chill down your spine.

“Right, I’ll have to work some jobs and earn Grimm to buy him a nice gift. You never know what to buy a person. Especially one who literally has it all.”

For a brief moment, there was a flash of concern in red orbs.

“If you have qualms with this request, you can say your piece, and it will not happen or be necessary. I would allow this – just this once.”

Well…

It will not precisely be forgiveness that will be given to the Avatar of Sloth. But you can definitely reach some sort of compromise with him when the time comes. That was all that could be done, after all. Because you were not expecting the other to change who he was – who _they_ were.

(You would never want to do that.)

Though, if you were honest, the part about them being demons. And you, a human. It was a distinction you would keep in mind and not forget. That did not mean that you would let it affect your relationships with them. At least, not by... _too_ _much_.

(And adding to all that, Belphegor had a huge grudge against humanity. You could not erase that with simple chats and pretty words.)

Besides…

Things could not have aligned this well if the other brothers and timeline did not exist. So, for now, you will breathe easy and see how things continued to unfold. Hearing their sides of these events, having your own story be heard by them, and finally make it back to where you truly belong. That would be more than enough for you.

Getting an answer from Barbatos and ensuring that these brothers will not suffer when you’re gone would be a bonus.

You sighed but felt like a burden has been lifted off of you, somehow. It showed how much conversations or speaking with others can do well for the state of your mind. _I’m so stupid. These guys… really do care. But I just can’t be the one to stay for them._

You smile up at Lucifer, remembering Satan’s supportive words.

“You know what? I think that some sort of agreement can be reached by then, or on the day of – who knows? I think things will be fine.”

You’d bargain for your happy ending and theirs till the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, what's this??? owo 
> 
> Possible plot now that Lord Dia's birthday bash is approaching in the story? Mayhaps...
> 
> As always, I can't write multi-chaptered stories. Like, how do y'all talented peeps do it? Good on you.
> 
> (But honestly, I love you all so much for all the kudos, hits, comments, and support! I didn't think it would get so much. Just the thought of people even taking a moment to click and look at this story. It makes my crops flourish, my skin glow, as well as brings honor to my cow. uwu
> 
> And no, Belphie bby, not you. XD)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had this as a W.I.P for a while and wasn't sure if I should post or not. Because I contemplated trying to make it a multi-chaptered fic, but now idk anymore, lmao.
> 
> (I do love/hate the timeline thing because of the angst and the "what about the original boys tho??" T_T)
> 
> But yeah, I may or may not. It might just stay as a really big ambiguous ending.


End file.
